Mas o menos

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T18:47:00.000-08:00

Peace and happyness to all who wander through this blog.

Music

2007-08-14T21:53:00.000-07:00

My life long friend (we went to high school together and despite the 4,000 miles between us in the last 27 years we are still in touch!) just sent me a CD from her son's girlfriend. And it is really cool. The young woman has a great voice, and the musicians who accompany her did wonderful arrangements. She wrote the six songs on the album herself. The violin player is great and the last song is a tribute to her mother and her death. She passed away two years ago. It is a great first album and I hope she is successful and can sell a lot of them. It is not for sale in the US, but in Quebec. Anyway, I was delighted to see her progress as I have known her for some time now. I just love to see what these "kids" are turning out to be. Now that I am passed the hardship of launching my own daugther, some of you may remembers how hard that was, I just love seeing folks I have known as children grow up and become part of the world and contributing to it either through music, art, activism, or any talent they may have.

I have been working hard to get ready for classes which start next week. I will have 3 courses, 5 sections, about 180 students. Whew! That will be a lot of work, but I think I will enjoy it. I am however, somewhat disenchanted with the book for one of my classes which has some very sexist comments (That women "nag" for one) and some antiquated view of the family. Anything other than the "nuclear" family of the husband, wife and kids is relegated to a chapter called "variations." I think I will use that for critical discussion and critical thinking in my students. I hope it works.

I had a very disturbing session with one patient I saw today. He was very confused, youngish looking gentleman, who must have been an absolut doll when he was well. He spent the few minutes I was visiting making statements (or attempting to do so) that I looked fine, and went from laughing and being cheerful to utter despair and crying. Poor guy was so confused, and when I responded and told him he was kind or that it was nice he felt happy, he would try to speak and express himself only to mix up words so that he did not make sense. It made me really sad and confused myself. I just do not like seeing patients at facilities. I know the staff does as much as they can, but it is really disheartening to witness. At least, for the most part, he was happy for my visit and I reflected those positive feelings back to him. Thankfully, my last visit was with a lovely lady who was coherent and cheerful and very happy to have a new air bed which makes her much more comfortable. I usually am not so distraught by the patients and can usually see a glimpse of who they were which helps in spending time with them, but for some reason, the abyss of this man's mind was frightening to me. I hope I never experience that. To be so remote from the world, have so much to say and not be able to do so, he seemed frustrated by it at times and at others felt that all was ok. For once I am at a lost to shake that one out of my system. Cyber puppy shake!

The price of being "overweight"

2007-07-29T13:15:00.001-07:00

I put the term in parenthesis, because I feel it is used as judgement of folks, particularly women, who do not fit the stereotype of American "beauty." Two beautiful friends of mine have experienced prejudice most of their lives due to their weight and this issue is close to my heart. Folks come in all size and shape, and health is not solely related to weight. Corporate america is taking it one step further in attacking folks whose weight deviate from certain norms by charging them health care penalties. I read in the paper today that workers who meet overweight criteria will be charged a fat fine. In addition to obesity, other factors that may warrant the fine ($30 every two weeks) would be high blood pressure and high cholesterol, maybe diabetes too. One of the person surveyed stated that she thougth it was a good idea and that her weight is fine. What happens when other health concerns make the list? Should I pay more because I have asthma that requires a lot of maintenance medication? Yes, we all have a certain amount of control over our health status, but there are other factors that need to be examined as well. What if an employee has a very stressful position within the company which leads to high blood pressure? What about genetic predisposition to these conditions? Should they be included in the equation? Or do we need to get a Gattaca-like society where health status dictate our social status.

If you have not noticed, I'm a little steamed by that. Americans don't want socialism because it is too controlling, but resort to such pernicious strategies to exert control over those who do not meet the societal norm. Makes me crazy!

I did it!

2007-07-23T22:51:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, I'm pretty proud of myself. I completed my first triathlon yesterday. I say my first, because now that I did one, I want to do more. I had a better time than I expected at 2:28:31. I thought I would take three hours. The wind was helpful on the bike ride pushing us in on the return trip and not too hard on the first leg. I mostly walked rather than ran, but still did run some. What can I say, a runner I am not. The swim was great but tough because I hurt myself on Friday at my last training swim . . . getting out of the pool! I bruised my left rib so breathing throughout the event was painful, particularly when swiming. But I did it. It was great! Now I want to do another one as soon as my rib heals!

Busy Summer

2007-07-11T21:34:00.000-07:00

The last couple of months have been nuts! I am currently training for a Triathlon, yes, I am not kidding you, a triathlon! It is a short distance, but any distance does not seem short to me! The swim is 1/2 mile, the bike ride is 15 miles and the "run" ( I will most likely walk most of it) is 3 miles. The bike ride is probably my most comfortable event. I do like to ride my bike and have done some decentrides in my days, so with a little training I feel ready for that one. Especially since the course is a little hilly, but no great hills or climbs. The worst part of the bike ride is it can get windy, and the return trip would be against the wind if it is windy. So I'm hoping it's not a very windy day. The swim is my next favorite event. Although I am very slow, about a 1/2 hour for the 1/2 mile,(most folks get it done in 20 minutes) I do love the water and feel comfortable in it. In the last few months, I have learned to relax in the water and just keep swimming and pacing myself when I get tired. At first I could barely do 3 width of the pool and now I do 36 comfortably. I had a setback there when I actually learned to swim (that is, learn how to have a good stroke, where to keep my feet instead of letting them get down and drag) I found it much harder at first and even became much slower and I was very discouraged, but this week I finally got back to a decent speed and apparently I look good in the water! The run, ahh the run. Well as I said, I will mostly walk. First, because after the swim and the bike ride, my lungs will be done. And second, I still can't run 3 miles straight, even when that is the only thing I do. My lungs just quit after about 20 minutes to 1/2 hour, even at the slowest pace that I can get myself to go to. And then when I run that slow, my legs hurt, I probably can walk as fast as that slow run and it does not get me so out of breath. Go figure! Also, the middle leg of the course is all uphill, and even experienced runners say that it sucks, so I'm walking. My friend's brother who has completed several triathlon and an Ironman in New Zealand said that as long as we cross the finish line running, we should look good! Anyway, I'm very excited and scared at the same time! And maybe if I train all year, next year I actually can run the run!

Spacing Out

2007-06-09T13:26:00.000-07:00

Such a long time without writing. Well, the semester is done and it does not look like I will have a class this summer, so far only 4 students! I'll have some work though through my old job and the new one. Always something. I had a lovely visit from my cousin this last week. It was hilarious how, for not having spent time together for the last 30 or so years, we have so much in common. It was great to reconnect with her and get to know one of her daughters. I did recognized my mother, my daughter and myself in her and that was almost surreal in a way. We are about the same size, our hair is very similar, and we have very similar habits. Her daughter and the Kid were laughing at us. It was so great to speak my own language for a whole week!

The Kid is in Fiji, enjoying herself I hope and sweating, at least that is what she told me! She called really quickly to let us know she arrived fine. She should have a great experience, but I will miss seeing her for some time.

We are gearing up for our music festival next week-end. I can't wait, it's always so fun and relaxing too. Although I just had a week off this week. A friend commented a while ago "why don't we work two weeks and have the rest off?" I could sign up for that program. I am currently reading a book with a society where there is no money. People work at their specialty and also do some "community" work, like cleaning and such at regular interval. If they don't work for some time, they still are cared for, but most find some area of interest and work regularly. I love Utopias, don't you?

I spent most of the morning setting up, or I should say resetting, our wireless router so we can use more than one computer at a time, and after speaking with this nice technician, finally got it going. Yeah! So now I can write in bed! Maybe that will encourage me to blog more before going to sleep. We will see.

Emotions

2007-04-27T22:24:00.001-07:00

I am an emotional wreck. I have attended a two day seminar on racism, and it was incredibly painful. I am welling up as I write. We came so close to each others, and shared such pain, and supressed feelings. I have not felt so touched in so long, I was disarmed by it. For so long, I have felt invisible, unheard, because I am part of a multitude of nondescript people. All white, all the same, all inconsequentials. I know part of my ancestry is Montagnais, a tribe of Native Canadian (First Nation as it is know in Canada) or at least I believe that is the correct tribe, yet I know nothing of that culture, of that language, me who loves languages so. Also, as I stated today, through tears, I look nothing like that people, I look so white, so "american," and I hate that. My white skin, my redish hair, I look Irish,and I don't feel Irish. I long for my difference, for my identity. I look at my sister, with her long nose, dark straight hair, dark skin, stong brow, how native she looks, how beautiful; and she tries so hard to erase all of that, dies her hair, plucks her brow, uses lots of make up to mask her beauty. I wish I had my mom's skin which darkened, even in the winter from hanging the laundry. If you know the winter in Montreal, you know that she could not have exposed much skin for much time to gain a tan, but she did. I heard one woman say how she was told as a child that she was ugly because she looked "India." I so wish I did look "something," anything but the blandness I have.
Also, several women in the group were Jewish, and one of the men present made a derogatory commend about Jewish women, and I remembered how my mother used to call me "ma petite juive," unfortunately not as a term of endearment, but as an indication that I had been devious, sly. I don't know if she meant to be racist, but she was. And that hurts. When I think of all the beautiful jewish women I know in my life, that I love and appreciate, I wonder if she rolls in her grave that I love them? That I love the Italians that I played with as a child, in our racist neighborhood, that I love the black friends that I have, the Mexican women and men I know, would she have a problem with that? And it makes me wonder, how do we go on knowing all of that hatred is there so obvious, in your face, everyday. I am sheltered from it, because I am white, and until I open my mouth, most folks will not know I come form outside the US. And even after I do, I am excused for my "weirdness," many times, because I "look" white even when I don't feel white, or american. I don't have answers, just feelings, rising up to the surface, bringing pain and tears, and questions. I am glad I went, and met others who share painful feelings. I have attended many eye opening trainings, but maybe not so many heart opening ones.

Another one

2007-04-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

Now this one is actually very much me, and my favorite coffee drink!

What Kind of Coffee are You?

You're a Cappucinno!
Take this quiz!

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Fun quizz

2007-04-22T13:19:00.001-07:00

You're Adventures of Huckleberry Finn!

by Mark Twain

With an affinity for floating down the river, you see things in black
and white. The world is strange and new to you and the more you learn about it, the less
it makes sense. You probably speak with an accent and others have a hard time
understanding you and an even harder time taking you seriously. Nevertheless, your
adventurous spirit is admirable. You really like straw hats.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Too bad the title is cut off, but most will know it. Funny how some of this is accurate, except for the straw hats!

So little time!

2007-04-18T10:26:00.000-07:00

We just returned from our escapade to visit the Kid back east and had lots of fun with a variety of grad students at school events. We even took in a baseball game! The second one in my life! Here are some pics of the good times we had until I have more time to write.

On the political scene, this shooting at Virginia Tech is deeply upsetting, but to me the hoopla demonstrated by the media is even more concerning, with all the allusion to copy cat, almost inciting unstable folks to spring to action and oblige the media feeding frenzy. Wishes of peace and quiet minds to all, particularly to those who need the most.

"Y'a la nature qu'est toute en fleur"

2007-03-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

Actually, I just found out that the real lyric is Sueur, rather than fleur, but I like fleur better and it serves my post better. I do my fair share of driving, that's what we do here in california, drive, from one place to the next. Anyways, while I drive to client's home, to the office, to the college, or just for fun, I have noticed that the fields here in my neck of the woods are filled with wildflowers. Yes, spring is here! First, the bright yellow mustard flowers appeared all at once, glorious like the sun, vibrant. Now lupines are following, and I even saw some queen anne's lace today. They are coloring the green fields, soon to be brown, with some welcome touch of watercolor. Even if today was a very gray day here. We even had a misty rain, which I'm sure the little flowers appreciated!

On saturday I went to this "sex party" the revealing of a baby's sex for my friend the Bombshell. It was very fun and we finished with fireworks on the beach. This beach is very wierd to me as cars can drive up and down it. I had never been there. Also, fireworks are allowed! This is unheard of in CA. The baby's dad, Dolphin, is african-american and had the bag with all the fireworks. At one point a beach patrol truck drove near our group, and since we were not absolutely sure that the fireworks were legal, we waited for the truck to move farther away to resume our merryment. Dolphin said "That's right, the black guy is the one with the fireworks in the group I can see where that one's going if the patrol stops here!" We all laughed. This area is very "white bread" unfortunately, and he does get noticed, plus he is quite handsome! He gets noticed for that too.

Here are some pics of our adventure. We also had colored sparklers and since the baby is now identified as a girl, the pink sparklers were the most popular with the group. The dried up shark was in the restaurant above our table, not the most apetizing thing to put in a restaurant!

So few posts!

2007-03-24T15:23:00.000-07:00

I find myself posting less and less, although I do faithfully read other's thoughts. I have been hugely busy the last month, working extra for folks taking vacations. I guess I should be happy, it will bring more cash in, but it takes as much time as when I worked full time before. And I have left that, because it was too much. It leaves me uninspired and tired.
Teaching continues to be a joy, despite one very difficult student. The person in question is a returning student that has some severe impairements. I feel like there is a 5 year old in the class. The student constantly has a comment to make, most of the time it is irrelevant, and long winded. I find myself interrupting, to free the class from the endless triviality of this person's tedium, which does not need to be shared. Most students are laughing, and sometimes I must make huge efforts not to join in with them as some comments are so far from what the class discussion is focusing on, it is laughable. When in groups, this student must monopolize the conversation with the anecdotes and keep the others from focusing on the work at hand. Once, this student declared: "I'm gonna take my shoes off" and proceeded to do so. I had to face the board not to laugh, and soon afterwards requested that shoes needed to be put on. Comments like: "I have to go make a phone call" are made while I am in mid-sentence lecturing, or like this week, entering the classroom 50 minutes late: "I bought the book," a required course pack for the class (We are, after all, in week nine of an 18 week semester!) Yes, this person is trying, and often throws me off rhythm, but the other students make up for it, and I am learning as much as they are. I do love learning!

Today is a gray day, the coast edge veiled and colors muted. I will go celebrate my friend the Bombshell's birthday and the unveiling of the sex of the baby she is carrying. Should be a blast. Maybe I will have some photos to post!

My tarot ID

2007-03-03T13:22:00.001-08:00

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

100 goes unnoticed

2007-02-21T22:06:00.000-08:00

I did not even notice that I reached the 100 mark on my postings! Oh well, it's not the numbers that counts I guess.

I just finished a wonderful book by Ursula LeGuin. I'm unsure if I have read other books by her. For sure I have been familiar with her name, but could not tie it to any novel I may have read. The Left Hand of Darkness I found immensely moving and captivating. I could not wait to read the next installment and at the same time wanted to delay it to savor the world contained within. It is not particularly long and I was finished way to quickly. I am rereading passaged as they were so well writen. I think I will look her up for more. Some aspects of this story reminded me of Marge Piercy's Woman on the Edge of Time. In that both have worlds where sexual differences are nonexistant. However, the heart of the inhabitant of Gethen is much like the heart of humans as we know it. Filled with doubt, and fears, and also hatred. Piercy's book depict emotionally strong folks, if I remember correctly, who contributed to the evolution of the world they inhabit. Maybe that reflection on the human soul is what made this novel so touching to me; showing us with all our weaknesses, our pain, our fragility. I recommend it highly.

Yeah, back at the top where I belong.

2007-02-09T10:20:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to share my exitement at having figured out how to get my blog back where it belongs!

Also, yesterday I paid my first rent for my private practice office! I have one day a week in a shared office which is very nicely decorated. I now am a little overwhelmed with the idea of having to design a business card and doing some advertisement of some sort. Can't wait to have my first client!

New Blogger sucks!

2007-02-06T21:52:00.000-08:00

Again tonight I takes four or five time to sign on! That is very frustrating.

Anyway, what I wanted to talk about is that I just love the Women Studies class more and more. The students are great. Today we watched Still Killing Us Softly, a film about women's portrayal in publicity and discussed how pervasive it is. One man in the class said that he does not watch television or goes to see films because of the negative influence of the media. But I replied that even at that, there are billboard on the side of the roads (less here than in large cities, but still) adds in the newspaper when we read the news, it's on the city bus, the sides of buildings, stores where we buy clothes etc, etc. I think the guys in the class were really shocked by the contents of the adds depicted. I told them of the add campaing of GAP a few years back when the models were so thin, several folks I know and I were revolted. It was a great class.
I'm also reading something called Listen Up: Voices from the Next Feminist Generation a collection of essays that is riveting. I might assign some of them to students in addition to the text which is copious amount of reading for this level. I think they can handle the challenge.

Google account and other rants

2007-02-05T15:53:00.000-08:00

I am not a big fan of the new blogger. I am having a few wierd things going on such as my page being at the bottom of the browser, and not being able to sign in event with the right info! Anyway, hope they get it figured out or we'll need new blog spaces!

Yesterday I went on a quest for the perfect tea kettle having burned and killed our old one. I was just looking for something simple, somewhat stylish and primarily functional. I went to six stores, starting with Ross of course, then Bed, Bath and the ugly, Gottschalk, World Market, Mervyn's, and finally Ralph, only to find no suitable kettle. Most were overpriced, none were stylish, although I'm sure many thought they were supposed to be, and the rest were so poorly built that the floor demos were all broken. (What can you do to a kettle that would break it other than burning it!?) Anyway, I came home empty handed and will have to pursue my quest some more another time.

I almost successfully was able to avoid the "SuperBowl Madness" by leaving my house during the game, the hubby is a fan. Stores were mostly empty for my browsing pleasure, and not until I waited for my sushi order to be ready did I see some of the game.

I also purchased some gifts for my brothers both of whom have birthdays this month. I did find some wooden puzzles of asian birds and carp which they should enjoy since we spent a lot of our childhood constructing various animals in balsa wood or cardboard. I would like a puzzle like that if I received one. At the post office, when I was mailing them, I was asked if they were for a child. Why should kids have all the fun? Granted they should have plenty, but so should adults.

Well time to get ready for my fitness class. I have not been lately due to feeling under the weather. I'm a little better, but still not 100%. Can't wait for that one!

Oh I found an "all Quebec" you tube which I am enjoying immensely.

Go down, way down

2007-02-03T22:16:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure what happened with my last post, but it is way at the bottom of the page. Obviously the new blogger still has somethings to figure out!

Big Rabbits

2007-02-03T22:09:00.000-08:00

Hummm, not sure why my post is way down here!

This morning I read with some sadness that some man from Germany has developped the largest Rabbits on the planet and he will be traveling to North Korea to start a new strain of extremely large rabbits there to help feed the population. :( Although I do eat meat of many variety, after having rabbits for pets for several years I have a difficult time in thinking of them as food, although I have eaten them in the past, pre-pet days. They are so sweet and loving, it's hard to see them as food.

Here is a link provided by Rabbits and Toyen. Try and see what sign you are. Figure I would have something to do with cats!

Bastet

You look for balance and harmony, anxious, devoted. Often rash and impatient.

Colors: male: yellow ochre, female: grey
Compatible Signs: Sekhmet, Horus
Dates: Jul 14 - Jul 28, Sep 23 - Sep 27, Oct 3 - Oct 17

Role: Goddess of cats, women, and secrets
Appearance: Cat or cat-headed woman
Sacred animals: cat

What is Your Egyptian Zodiac Sign?
Designed by CyberWarlock of Warlock's Quizzles and Quandaries

New Classes

2007-01-25T20:05:00.000-08:00

This week our new semester started. I will be teaching the same class I had last semester, plus a "development of women" class. I am so excited about it. Today, we had a discussion on feminism, feminists, and how students felt about these words. It was great! The students are very open and did a good job of discussing the topics, staying respectful, and expressing themselves. Some were still a little tentative, and one asked whether I was a feminist. I also had them look at the Kia commercial in which the cars salesfolks sing the Sound of Music "So Long" song, and describe the attributes of the performers. If you remember, the four guys are all a little "pudgy," and the girls are rail thin under their "uniform" outfits. To me this emphasize that it's ok for guys to be of all shapes, but the "average Joe" woman is still thin. Or expected to be. Speaking of car dealerships, I loved the link on Spin page and I probably will use it in class too. That should generate a heated discussion. I do have a man in class that is taking the class to better understand his daughter and the challenges she will face as she grows up. What a guy!

Tag you are it!

2007-01-06T15:16:00.000-08:00

I have been tagged by the lovely Karla.

The tag goes as follow:
Find the nearest book.
Turn to page 123.
Go to the fifth sentence on the page.
Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog.
Name the book and the author, and tag three more folks.

Manana te espero a la misma hora, no se te ocurra dejarme plantado, y no digas ni una sola palabra de esto a nadie. Si tu abuelo lo sabe, me mata, me advirtio al despedirse. Pero al dia siguiente el no acudio a la cita. (Paula, Isabel Allende)

Finding a book next to the computer was somewhat difficult. The closest was my Czech/English dictionary, which does not contain any sentences! The next book was the text for the women studies class I will teach starting later in the month, and page 123 was a photograph. So then I turned to the nearest bookcase, the first shelf of which has also some dictionaries, and this novel in Spanish that I bought a few years back but have not read yet. I found that I could understand the whole passage! Yeah!

Now I will tag Spin, HC, and I guess Lord Bargain, since the mystic seems to have dissapeared again :(.

Christmas Feast

2006-12-28T10:49:00.000-08:00

As usual we met with friends for a Christmas eve dinner and gift exchange. It was lots of fun with the exception of Tiedye Girl, who is going through a divorce and showing severe signs of depression and anxiety. It is very hard for all of us to see her in that state. Folks have taken to tiptoeing around her, trying not to upset her, and I have encouraged them to interact with her in the most normal way, that she needs the stability of her friends and family more than stiffled interactions. She is looking for treatment and we will see if it helps. She needs to know she will be kept safe. Anyway, she spent most of the evening asleep as she took some medication for anxiety.

Everything else was quite enjoyable. I was delighted that one of the teens, who is now 18, gave me a book! He is an avid reader, and each year I found books for him, mostly of Fantasy and Sci-fi types. This year I gave him an Octavia Buttler collection. I am so please to see him share his love of reading with me by giving me a book he has enjoyed, and thought I might enjoy too! That was the best gift!

For mystic, I post some pictures of the delicious goodies we delected ourselves with.

Health tales of woe, or tales of health woes.

2006-12-11T22:05:00.000-08:00

After reading Spin's tales of insurance woes, I decided I should go ahead and post my own. It never ceases to amaze me that despite all of the problems consumers are experiencing in this country we still fear universal healtcare to a huge (as my friend the Spin Doctor would say "gynormous") degree. Folks here believe that they would not be able to pick their doc, would have to wait for a long time for proceedures and appointments and would receive sub-par treatment.

Of late, my experience has been that healthcare in this country meets all of those despite increasing and obscene insurance prices. The level of care continues to decrease, restriction of available physicians increase and the problems in getting payment or treatment are worsening.

I currently work three jobs for a total of about 50 hours a week, but since it is not at one company (heaven forbid I should like the freedom of doing different things) I have to pay my own premium. Since I worked at a single job for 6 years, I can have a elect to use my COBRA for 18 months and pay about $300 a month. That's my insurance premium. Then I have a deductible of $250 a year, then I have co-pays. Each Dr visit is $20, not too bad, and medications (which I have 6) are $40 or $25. So I pay about $200 a month just for meds. Yes, they do keep me in good shape and able to function well, but that is $500 a month just for health care. And I don't know what happens in 18 months, when I am no longer eligible for COBRA!

My newest job, at a Hospice, the insurance is not very good because most of the employees are older (median age 50) and less insureable. The insurance is Blue Cross and greatly limits which physicians a person can use. I'm not sure I want to work more and sign up with them.

Be healthy my friends, the alternative is just scary!

Thanksgiving

2006-11-23T13:33:00.000-08:00

I have so much to be thankful for! A house full of friends, delicious food prepared by all the friends, a gorgeous day, being alive and well, and in good spirits most of the time. I guess that is a lot and I do not want for. Except for some fancy boots once in a while!

Happy thanksgiving everyone!

These turkeys were haning around our house back in early october. They have since flown away. They were quite a sight, and I am thankful for that too, the everyday little magic moments.

Boot Dream

2006-11-19T14:07:00.000-08:00

I can't remember if it was last night or the night before, but I had a dream where I was buying some boots and trying them on. They were high heels, knee high, brown leather boots and were meant to be very tight around the leg, only my legs were way too small and the boot just hung on my legs, with ton of space around! I know I have small legs and ankles, but this was just ridiculous. I do remember having similar experiences as a child, when I was so small and skinny, even the smallest size would not fit me. I always wanted to white and blue saddled oxford type shoes that were very popular when I was a child and could not get them because my feet were too narrow and the shoes would fall right off! I am not making this up. I remember wanting a Speedo swimsuit as a teen because all of my friends had them and they did not have any that would fit! Somehow the "small legs" dream made me feel a little inadequate and brought up some feelings I had growing up. I was glad to wake up to my normal sized legs that will fill out most shoes and boots nowadays. I wonder if the dream has some relation with me feeling inadequate either at the new job or in my relationship with the Hubby? Any suggestions out there on what the meaning of the dream may be? My current guess is that I need another pair of boots! So I should go shopping. The funny thing is that the Kid called today and she needs some new boots. Maybe my dream picked up some of her brainwaves.

I don't know

2006-11-18T20:29:00.000-08:00

Sorry lots of ranting tonight.

I don't know if I'm coming or going these days. The new job, although less hours, I'm not sure if it is going to be as fulfilling as I hoped. I sorta feel numb to it rather than exited and that worries me. The one thing that is still great is teaching. I do enjoy it and look forward to it. The students are fun and we have some great group discussions. They have shared so much of their lives with me and the class, they are great.

I don't know why I feel numb about the new job. I know I miss the folks that were in my life for the last 6 years, and I guess, in some way I miss the leadership role I had. I'm not sure about that. I don't miss getting calls all day long. Or getting calls on week-ends and after hours. I don't miss having the pager, although I did luck out and did not have to take it since July. I do miss my friend, goldilock's mom. But we still see each other outside of work as we did before too. I think I also fear that because I will be surrounded by all these elderly folks (the median age of the workers at my new job is 54, and most client are 80 or above) rather than the younger workforce I am used too will make me age faster. I do enjoy folks telling me I look younger than my age (don't we all, to a point). The hubby makes the money issue seem like a disaster. We did have a huge blowout tonight about cash and all of our responsibilities now that we own a home, and all that shit. Turns out he resent me for changing my job and trying to work less, yet while he was working on the house all summer and fall, he would be frustrated because I could not do much of the work with him (that's what a 45-50 hours a week job, plus a teaching job three hours a week {+ prep time} does) Damned if you do, damned if you don't. AAAUUUGgghhh! I don't know how things will turn out. I still work at my old job two days a week and help with the transitions. So in the end, I still work a ton, I get paid a little less, and I still have little free time. I think after the holidays, when I get down to two jobs it will be easier. And then I can start to see some private clients. Right now I don't know where I would fit them in.

On the plus side, I did go work out today, and that felt good. I need to keep at that since it does make me feel good.

I tried to upload some "pretty pictures" but blogger is not cooperating.

Domesticated

2006-11-14T21:55:00.000-08:00

At the risk of seeming domesticated, I will now attempt to post pictures of the new kitchen. I say attempt as blogger has not been so friendly lately. You can first refresh your memory of what the old kitchen looked like, complete with pink sink.

The new kitchen looks something like this:

I know, I know, it's the other side, but you get the idea. The Hubby put an aweful lot of work in there, but we are quite please with the result. I just really hated the greenish cupboard and the grey and pink tiles. So we destroyed the tiles and sanded the cupboards, and worked, and worked, (mostly, he worked and worked while I was at my two jobs) until it looked like this. And we are pretty happy with it. Even with our arms and legs missing! (reference to the cost of the adventure) I know, this domesticity is sorta wierd for me. I'm not much the house sort, and it is a surprize to me to find myself in this spot, where I own a house, (well mostly, the bank does) and I am a "responsible" adult. What is the world coming to? We do have room for visitors, though. Hint hint. And Mystic, you could actually use your baseball bat on something else than a computer down here. The big drawback in my mind is that there goes the traveling budget. And I do love to travel. So I will have to find a way to squirrel some tokens away so that I do not become too house bound. I would find that as tragic. The world is too big and too magnificent to not experience more of it.

Saturday musings

2006-11-11T21:24:00.000-08:00

We went to see "stranger than fiction" and I have to say that I really liked it. No unneeded violence, slow, life like pace, good soundtrack. Plus I really love Will Ferrell and Dustin Hoffman. Queen Latifah is not bad either. Tom Hulce was a surprise as he must have gained 60 to 100 pound since I last saw him in anything. He was huge, and looks very different, I barely recognized him. I like this film, sappy ending and all. It really touched me. It vacillated from the very funny to the very tragic, just like life does, and was also very sweet.

On the work front, I'm not so sure I'm very happy with my recent change. Economically, it may be a nightmare, and professionally, I'm not sure my new duties will be clinical enough to keep me happy. I have to wait and see how things shape up and if there are opportunities for any clinical work. I guess it is also tough to go from big cheese to little line worker. There are mounds of paperwork, of course, (what is social work without paper work?, existential question of the century) and maybe very little opportunity to get to know the patients, their families and needs. For example this week, we (me and the woman who is training me) opened 5 cases. Two of them died on Thursday. That's what I call quick turnover! I come from an environment where we spent on average one to two years with a family, supporting them through thick and thin. Maybe once I know more, it will get better. I know I won't miss the incessant calls at all times of the day and evening, but I will miss other things too.

One thing that has been hard for me to hear is that several folks have commented on how relaxed I have looked lately and how I am back to being myself (implied that I must have been a real bitch of late). I wish folks had told me I was so tense or out of control or whatever they saw was not "me." I still feel a lot of guilt toward my good friend and co-worker the "Canadian girl." She has been such a good friend and now she has to do my job and hers, and I worry that she will burn up too. I told her to ask for looooots of $$. The agency need her. I am also considering getting a contract with the agency to continue to provide training and whatever else may be needed.

I also worry a lot about my health insurance. Yes folks, here in the good ol US of A, it is possible for a person to be working 3 jobs, about 45 to 50 hours weekly and not have health insurance. Well I have insurance but it is costing me a lot. $300 for the plan a month, plus since I have some health needs, about another $300 a month. Why do I stay here in the US and not return to Canada, I'm not sure. I guess I like the weather. And Arnold who did not even sign the legislation that only stated that it would consider universal health care. Tsk tsk tsk!

In a flurry time passes

2006-11-07T21:03:00.000-08:00

In a hurry too!

I did begin my new job at Hospice Partners and so far so good. Very different from my last job. A lot more social work and not just case management. I'm looking forward to the change. Just being in the old office today brought back all the frustration that I have felt over the past few months and reminds me how I am done with it. Amazing that I lasted so long. What I will miss as I said already is the folks I worked with. Many of which I know I will remain in contact with. After all if I can maintain a relationship with my friends from High school after 33 years and 3,000 miles, I think local friendships, I can manage!

Here are a few pics from Halloween. I had a blast as a vampire dominatrix, hanging out with a sexy cop and somekind of a monk! Unfortunatly, the monk had the camera and the sexy cop got very sick from too much fun.

Here I am whipping some homeless man who said "I'll let you whip me for a buck." Fortunately for him, my whip was very wimpy and did not inflict any pain (barely reached the guy!)

It's been a long, long, long time

2006-10-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

Yes it has. I have been so busy with the move, teaching and work. I don't know how I managed the last two months.

Teaching is fun and continues to be so. I have a very small class of dedicated students and the topics we are covering are right in there with social work practice. So I feel I am a natural at it. I had one observation from other faculty so far and will get another one tomorrow. It is a little nerve racking, but I have been offered another class to teach in the spring. This and another offer has prompted me to leave my current job. I will start at another agency as a part-time employee in November. It is scary and exciting all at once. It is also gut wrenching. I have had such a great group of co-workers, particularly in my program that it is hard to move on and know that I will not see them everyday. Some folks are taking it very hard and others are taking it in stride. I think for me it will be a good change and I will have more time to do all of the other things that I have wanted to explore in the last few years but was too tied down to do. One thing I have in mind is to start a small private practice. I have several friends who have done so and I think it would be great to expand my work and do that. I also worry as finances will be tighter, but I'm confident they will be manageable.

I will post some pictures of the new house when I have a little more time, which should be pretty soon.

Fairie birthday party I attended yesterday.

Pooped

2006-08-27T23:28:00.000-07:00

This is the last post I will write from our old house. I'm feeling somewhat nostalgic. We have lived here for 15 years! That is the longest I have lived anywhere. I looked at the Kid's room and remember all the different stages of her life here. She was nine when we moved in. Had her first room, put glowing stars all over the ceiling and walls, and later in high school she painted it with blue and silver stars and last year, neon green. We will not raise kids in our new home. It sort of feel wierd, as much as I have wanted to get out of this old rental, now I am a little sad and uncomfortable with the move. Today as I was frantically cleaning the old house I found the side of the door where we charted the Kid's growth. Starting at 4'5"! Not that she is very tall now, but that was when she was about ten. I think of all the times she practice violin in here, and the nights I waited for her when she was dating this stupid jock.

Also, it is so wierd that I cleaned the place the most today as I am leaving of all the years that I have lived here. Why do we do this. I kept thinking that we are quite the pigs as I found the biggest dust bunnies ever, some clingning to the walls for dear live it seemed. Anyways, the job is now done. My good friend, Artist's child will come and clean the carpets tomorrow. I was so touched that she offered to do it for us. That did save me loads of time. I should also wash the windows, but I did run out of time. Or I should have started at nine this morning rather than noon. Oh well, I did need some rest. I have been working on moving since Thursday from noon till about 2 Am each day. I am quite tired, but I wanted to do one last blog from this house which even empty (except for the aquarium, the computer, some cleaning supplies, and tons of trash!) still feels more like home than the new house. I know I will love it once things get settled. I will miss the neighbors too, even though they are only 1/2 block away. We will have to invite them over and maintain the friendship.

The Kid is doing good and getting ready to start her classes. She will have a lot of work, but I know she can do it. I do miss her, but she called and we talked for a long time on Friday and Saturday. She is such a great one!

Well sign off from the old funky house where we have 15 years of good and bad memories. I will see what the new one bring. I think maybe I feared that this will be the last house I move into. After all at 50, I know I wont be around for another 30 years. Or not likely to be, so it is a bit chilling to think about that. But maybe not. Maybe we will be able to move again. If so, we need to trim down our possessions! This was way hard to move all of the shit we have accumulated over the last 15 years!

Wierdness

2006-08-23T21:12:00.000-07:00

This is truly very wierd! We are moving into our own home. I never thought I could be a homeowner. I guess I really am old! It feels really strange to be doing this. I am still at my computer in the old house and most of our furniture except our bed is at the new house unnatended. The kitchen table, the TV, the couch, all are there waiting to be put to use. The fridge and washer, yet the bed is still here at this house and the computer too. We have done a lot of work, and the place is coming together nicely with a few exceptions. Our bedroom floor needs some help, the floor guys had a problem that their attempt to fix did not solve. They are coming over tomorrow. We still need the counter in the kitchen to be installed and some tiles to be put in. Our bedroom still needs some refinishing of the wall as it has some of that yucky fake wood siding on two of the walls that we will refinish using fun tip # 63: apply liberally (I should be able to do that, the liberal part!) some wall finishing compound that is pretty much new age plaster and then paint on top. It should need about four coats as it tends to crack when drying. There is still some painting to be done in the corridor (Yes! we have one of those, how uncalifornian of us!) and in the master bath and bedroom. Other than that we are in a good shape. It still does not quite feel like home, after all we have been here for 14 years! Maybe fifteen? Somewhere around there. A long time. The longest I have lived anywhere! I will miss this old funky place. The Kid did a lot of growing up here, and so did I.

Other than that the Kid has successfully moved back east to North Carolina and passed her two test to begin instruction. (Stats and Calculus) I am begining to teach my class at the local Junior College and that should be fun, but a lot of work too. My boss is not too happy about that, since I keep asking to go down to 32 hours a week, and now I am starting another thing. Since I wasn't sure that the class would be a go, I did not tell him about it untill today. He asked how it would affect my health? Since I have stated that my current job is a lot for me. I know it was not concern for me on his part, but merely trying to point out that taking more on was not, I don't know, "honest" of me or something like that. Well, my dear boss, somethings are more stressful than others and I am not sure I would go over the last month's stress no matter what.

The last thing making these few days particularly hard is that the Kid is now 3,000 miles away. And that is tough! She was crying a lot before leaving and I felt a little numb, a feeling I am quite familiar with. As my friend Helene used to say: "I learned from the nuns, you can do everything right, you just don't feel anything." That is the French Canadian woman upbringing in a nutshell. Now that she is far away, I do miss the Kid. I see a red car and automatically think she is near, even though I know she cannot be. I may just have to go visit her. And I know she would be glad of it. Anyone going back east in the near future. Hippiechick, I know you are going to BT in September, want to drive down to North Carolina from there? I think I will book some flight some time soon!

Well these are my musings for now, I need to go get the thrash out at the other house now as they pick up on a different day! And there is a big hill to go down with the can, good thing they have wheels!

Again with the music!

2006-08-14T23:17:00.000-07:00

Last night we went to a great concert at the local brewery. It was the Dirty Dozen Brass Band, although there was not 12 of them but 8. They were fantastic and the Hubby and I danced the whole night. It was a great release from all of the stress from the house and work. We are seeing the deadline of 8/31 approach with speed and have still so much to do to be ready to move.

At work I do have a new person who I know will be a quick study. We went to school together and she will be a great addition to the team. I had a very stressful meeting today with one of the families. They were fighting a lot with each other and would not redirect despite several attempts from several team members. I left the meeting exhausted and proceeded to eat some junk, which I have not done for several week. It was very hard to see folks who I know love each other be so mean to one another. I know I also have done this in the past, but I always find discord disturbing (I alliterate!) Then I should have written my documentation but instead I deleted all of the old e-mails that had accumulated on my computer. I had about 1000. I guess I needed to do something mindless as the session took all I had for today.

I am also sad as the Kid leaves this week for North Carolina for the next two years. I know I will see her and talk to her, but I do enjoy having her around. She is a great person. Oh well, I will just have to get on the plane a few more times to go visit, and have her come too. She has been busy getting her new bedroom ready in the new house so she feels like she still is part of the household and she will know what she comes to when she visits. I know she does want that feeling of having a base of operation to return to. Even if it is only for a few weeks when she is done with her studies. She will be 26 then, and probably will not want to live with her folks, I'm sure. I know she will call and write, and we will keep in touch, but we won't have our nights of watching wierd movies and going out with friends. It'll only be for a while. We had the empty nest a while ago when she first left for college, and so this is just a revisiting of the feeling. I don't think it will be as bad this time as the first time.

I now have my own "water pillow." It is a pillow with a pocket inside that holds water. I slept on the kid's pillow while she was away last week and I just loved it, so decided to get one for myself. I know it is a wierd concept, but it is very comfy and I slept more soundly when I was using it, so I recommend them. The Kid worked for a chiropractor for some time this spring and that is where she picked this up. She is a crafty one! Well speaking of which, I should go find that pillow and catch up on my ZZZs. I stayed up too late last night enjoying great music.

Lots of Heavy Lifting

2006-08-06T22:05:00.000-07:00

We continue to make some progress on preparing the new house to move in. Today we emptied the storage space of all of my mother in law's old stuff. It's now all in the new garage, which is huge. That will save a lot in storage fees. Some of the pieces were huge and cumbersome, but we had a couple of friends who helped us, and that made things go a lot smoother.

After moving all the stuff we went to lunch and then returned to the house for some few little things. The sun was getting low and it was beautiful to watch as it filled the kitchen and living room with light. The floors are almost done and the red oak we chose for the living room is amazing.

A flock of quails nests near the house and they were out enjoying the evening as I left and walked towards this house. Upon my approach they took flight, filling the air with the soft sound of their wings. There is a lovely french noun that describes this type of soft, gentle sounds (bruissement). Alas, I do not know of an equivalent in english. Although it is litterally like "sounding" it does not carry the brassiness of this word. When I remember to take my camera up there, I will snap a shot of the flock and add it to some post.

Kind Evening

2006-07-27T21:28:00.000-07:00

I tried to post last night but blogger was not cooperating. So I will try again tonight, although by now the lyrical momment has passed.

As I drove home yesterday, I saw the sun set on a pillowy layer of fog. It was illuminating the sky in ambers, ochres, and red and was quite lovely. High above some finer clouds seem to be ondulating like ocean waves, pushed by the high winds. It was spectacular. I keep thinking that I should carry a camera with me at all times as when I drive throught the countryside I find all kinds of beauty. I also often wish that I could capture my thoughts. I would have a very nice short story from my musings. Unfortunately, on most days I return home to the tedium of my life, and soon extinguish the inspiration that a momment of peace created as I traveled through our small county, filled with golden hills, green tuffets, and wildlife.

I once had a Environmental Psychology professor who stated that naTure is very random, and almost bleak. He disputed that photographs such as Ansel Adams' work did not represent nature adequately. To illustrate his point, he used a camera, headed for the local hills and pointed the camera to various cardinal points, determined by a randomized computer program. The resulting photographs were boring and bland, only focusing on the patch of grass in front of them. From this he derived that photographers who find bright flowers, tiny bird wings and other wonders in the world were misrepresenting nature as they focused only on small parts of the environment. I so completely disagree with his argument, because the human eye does not wander randomly through our surrounding, rather it selects precise parts of the environment to focus on and examine, and derive emotions from. One person will perceive the exact shade of blue in the sky, another the grayness of the road ahead. Who as the more accurate perception of their surrounding? Each does according to themselves. As I drive through my area, I find flowers on the side of the road, whisps of clouds that the golden rays of the sun are still caressing, a small bird perched on a wire, all of which a camera following computer pre-determined coordinates would miss.

And the excitement just begins

2006-07-24T22:41:00.000-07:00

I have been hyper busy with all of the new house stuff lately and that leaves little time for blogging. Here is a pic of the new P'tit Manor.

It's nothing spectacular, but we are quite pleased. So, for fun this week-end, I blasted an ugly brick planter with a rotary hammer, it's a small jack-hammer. That was hard work, and left me definitely sore and panting!

Next on the demolition block is the ugly kitchen tile.
Complete with pink sink! The bathroom also has pink tiles, but they are so kitch they are cool. And some accent tiles have little turquoise seahorses on them. I will have to include a picture of those too.

Last Wednesday I went dancing to the Sierra Leone Refugee Allstars. They were fantastic. It was packed and very enjoyable. Some friends were the opening act, and they did a very good job. It was a very pleasant evening.

Tomorrow I will get my orientation at the college as a new employee for the class I teach in the fall. It is coming quick and I am getting nervous. I don't know where I will get the time to fit in prepping for a class. Although a lot of the work is already done for me if I want to use some of the previous instructors notes. So it could be relatively painless.

The days are just packed

2006-07-15T12:45:00.000-07:00

To quote one of my favorite authors, Bill Watterson, author of Calvin and Hobbes, the days have indeed been packed. Work continues to be trying as one of my latest recruit, who was finally getting it is moving to another program. (Maybe I repeat myself here). In addition, one person is going on vacation for a month and that means that other will have to monitor the families she works with while she is gone. Also most of the families we work with have been in crisis for the last couple of weeks, so indeed the days are packed.

The great news is that I no longer am the Chair of NASW! Yeah! After three long years of that, I was ready to move on. The new chair is a young woman who used to work with me and who is very nice and dedicated. That will be nice.

On the home buying front, we did sign our loan on Wednesday, and working in the field I work with, we are use to stating the elephant in the room and I realized just how much that culture does not transfer well to other social contexts. As we were signing a 30 year loan, it struck me that it is very unlikely that we will pay the whole thing back, as I am 50 and the hubby is 58. Thirty years from now I will be 80 and the hubby 88. Even in the best of situation, it is unlikely that we would still live there, paying our outrageous mortgage still. When I stated that fact the loan agent was very uncomfortable, even though I did say it in a joking kind of way. But most folks don't want to think or talk about death in our society. So it struck me as funny that her answer was "oh no, you are just kids" or some similar innanity.

I did get to play softball this week and I was a catcher for the first time. I did well as that but struck out every time I went at bat. Lack of practice. One of the stikes landed at my feet too, which I think was more of a bad call than anything.

I also purchased a capacity to e-mail the photos I take from my camera phone only to realize that the quality of the pictures is soo poor that it's clearly not worth it! Oh well, I can sent dorky pictures to others who have camera phones!

It is summer and the hills are now all yellow and brown. I love how they look. They seem like lovely brown velvet pillows that you would just want to roll in and feel the softness on your skin. Unfortunately they are mostly made of burrs and dried weeds which would not be so soft and cuddly.

With summer comes summer concerts everywhere and Friday nights in the plaza. I love getting out of work at 5 or 5:30 on Friday to go see whoever is playing and enjoy great music and seeing everyone in town. That is the great part of living in a small town, no matter where you go by yourself you are sure to meet someone you know and strike up a conversation. It is both reasurring and distressing. Should I get grossly innebriated, everyone would know, including my employer.

Le quatre Juillet!

2006-07-05T20:45:00.000-07:00

I do love living in a small town. It gets particularly funny when there are some "big" events like the fourth of July. All of the town gathers down at the little park by the bay and is treated to several bad bands playing all kinds of old junk, the mayor, dressed as Uncle Sam making dorky announcements, kids performing in talents shows, and the grand finale of fireworks, lasting about 15 to 20 minutes, sent one at a time, to all american music piped over small speakers strategically placed throughout the park.

It's just fun to watch, especially if you come from some large town or city. You get to see all of the kids your child went to school with, and of course, the sun setting over the bay, which is simply beautiful. As usual, it was "colder than a well-digger's ass," an expression I borrowed from Tom Waitts, and no amount of blankets and jackets could keep the crowd warm. Several of which departed the moment the fireworks began, to my great amazement. Wasn't this the point of the show? I guess they just got too cold. The other amazing thing is that folks come over from the valley, as far as Fresno, a four hour drive away, to experience the Morro Bay Fourth of July. I barely make it and it is down the street!

It was fun though, dorkyness and all.

Not big on writing

2006-07-03T21:03:00.000-07:00

Wow, I'm sure not big on writing these days. I have been rather exhausted despite the exitement at getting a new house and planning for the move. Work has been very challenging and we continue to be swamped. I have to replace one of the new folks who was just finally starting to "get" it. That is a true bummer. Now I have to start from square one. The other woman is still needing a lot of help, and now we all will have to take the families the woman who is leaving will leave behind. She is going to another program in the agency.

We had a great party on Saturday for our debrief from the music festival, people brought food and libations and some of us enjoyed themselves a little too much. Overall, I think folks had a good time. We took a small walk to the house to be, which is literally right around the corner and that was fun to show it off. Now we have to plan what we are going to do and what changes we will make to it. There is quite a bit of work, but I think it will be great. We have floors to refinish, a kitchen counter to redo, we need a new stove and dishwasher (I never lived in a house with one! Am I unamerican or what!) and of course some painting and gardening. All of that should be fun.

I feel uninspired and that I am writing some kind of drivel, but one cannot be amazing everyday. It is very foggy here and the stars are not being seen much. The sun peeks out during the day, but the fog returns at dusk and we have been known to call our town "Mordor Bay" after Tolkien.

Here is a shot of what a 9 year old, a 6 year old and a five year old do to a lovely Zen Garden, donated by no other than Spinsterwitch a few years ago, when there parents are busy enjoying themselves! Note the use of the drink decorations!

Late night musings

2006-06-22T23:40:00.000-07:00

I find that I am a rare poster these days. Partially, I have been too busy to post much and come home exhausted, drop to the couch potato position and fall asleep shortly thereafter. My exercise routine is suffering dramatically as I am not getting up as early as usual. O well.

I had a great week-end at the music festival.

It was sweltering and we were still sweating after sundown, a very unusual thing for central california. I loved it. When our staff met a few weeks earlier I kept saying that I wanted a hot one and boy did I get a hot one! Unfortunately some folks did not do that well with the heat and several folks got sick from it :(. I had a blast the bands were good for the most part and my friends had a good time. One friend did get sick, but I believe she recovered nicely. I was great to see all of the friends who work together every year for the event, and to enjoy the music and companionship.

The other great albeit scary thing in my life is that we are buying a house. It is very nice and on a large lot for our town. There is some work to do, but not too much. We will move in next month sometime.

I also have been in touch more with my czech friend who now has access to a computer at work and it is fun to hear from him.

Workwise, it is still the same and I am looking at some possible options as my current thing is getting more and more draining. But there are some great folks still working there, and they keep my interest alive. That and the families we work with who most of the time are wonderful.

Tonight

2006-06-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

I just returned home from a lovely dinner with the Hubby and Kid. There was music and good food and a beer. The sky is thinly veiled by a semblance of fog, and the moon peaks through, half full and cheery. In the distance the ocean roars, which amazes me as the day was balmy and calm. There must have been more wind than I noticed.

All in all a lovely evening.

Soo Long!

2006-05-28T12:08:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how long it has been since I last blogged! My weeks and days have been insanely busy and I have collapsed in exhaustions at the end of most days.

I went to my yearly week-end with teens last week and it was fun as ususal. Picture 135 High School Sophomores (15-16 years old) pumped up on sugar, yelling cheers as loud as they can and discussing the future of the world the rest of the time. We had a blast. Some of the kids were amazingly smart, which gives me hope and balances some of the challenges I face with the kids I work with for my job.

Speaking of which, It has been closer to a pain than anything else. WARNING: the following paragraph contains intense raving and bitching about work, upbeat section of blog comes after, feel free to skip to that part. END OF WARNING. I had some training which was good, and since then I have been trying to catch up. We have mountains of documentation that we struggle to keep up with, and more work than can be done. I get frustrated. More and more responsibilities are put on me and I want to move on. Last week, after a week-end of not much sleep with the crowd of teens, I was required to attend training every mornings from 8 to 12, and then basically do all of the rest of my work, which takes at least 6 to 7 hours just to stay afloat. I was a real bitch all week to everyone, and very short with my boss. We finally talked on Friday and I will not do the second week of the training. Two of the reasons that pissed me the most were that this was a training for the trainer of a basic communication training for foster parents. I don't want to have to take another assignment, because I don't have time for it. The nature of the training was very basic and nothing I did not know, so basically useless to me. I'll do the time crunch thing if I will get something out of the training, but not if I won't. In addition, I have a hard time being at work at 8 am because I have to do my meds which take a half hour, and I really need to go to the gym to keep my lung function at its best, that takes about 1 and 1/2 hour before breakfast and shower and drive to work, and no, I will not get up at five in the morning to get to work at 8. Anyway, I did bitch to the boss and now I'm out of the training for the second week. Another thing that pissed me off was that there is a huge conference of all the folks who do my program in california in June and I really wanted to go, but was told we could not send anyone. Then I find out that my boss, the agency CEO and another person all are going to present on our program. That really upset me, not that I am not going, but that I was not in the loop of setting it up. My boss kept saying he would rather not go, and I don't care about how he feels about going or not, I would have like to be included in decisions being made about my program, since I am the supervisor of the program! GRRR!

NOW FOR THE GOOD NEWS:
Another thing that has taken time away from blogland is that I have applied to the local college as an instructer and was accepted. I will teach a class in the fall. That may help me move on away from a job where I feel like I am treading water and never get closer to the shore. I am really excited about it and realize that it will be a lot of work at first, but I am ready for a change and something where I feel some fun. I may be able to have a private practice too in the future, so that could bring some positive changes.

I also have been to concerts that were very uplifting. I went to the closing season concert of the choir I toured with last year and it brought back such strong memories. It was wonderful. I loved hearing all of their voices. I also went to see a funk group that is great and danced some. So it is not all bad, actually there is quite a bit of good. I just don't do well when I am overtired and don't get an opportunity to exercise.

On the horizon, the music festival I attend each year is coming up and I will be delighted to have fun with friends and fill my heart with music.

Internet Issues

2006-05-01T22:27:00.000-07:00

Not only did I have a crazy week that kept me busy beyond belief, but also I had litterally no access to the internet all week-end. The system was slower than molasse and I could not check any blog or write or anything.

I also sent in an application for a part-time teaching position at the local Community College. That should be fun if I get one or two classes. That might allow me to go ahead and open my own practice and get some much sought after changes in my life to happen. But getting the application together, writing the cover letter, new resume, equivalency letter (they asked for any kind of degree but an MSW!), and then this silly letter that describe how I am suited to understand the diversity of students found in the college system. And then this long application, requiring my past 15 years of employment, that I filled online. Oof! It took a lot out of me. And then to rest this week-end, I had the pager! Which ran non-stop with all kind of situations all week-end long. I was so glad to pass that thing on!

So today I decided to not go to work in support of the protest, and because I worked so much over the week-end, and I am and immigrant. So there! I did feel slightly guilty though and took some calls as I knew others were out and did not want the clients to need help and not have support.

At home, Quebec, we always celebrated the "Jour du travaileur" (day of the worker). We did not get it off that I remember. Refresh my memory Mystic, did you get the day off? I saw several folks protesting with signs and flags as I went to a nearby town to get my oil changed. I know, I know, it is oximoronish, but will leave on wednesday for two trips, one up north, but not as far as the Bay Area, and one down south on Saturday, and I could not be car-less while I am on-call.

This week's trip is a seminar on integrating consumer in service delivery. It should be interesting. The week-end is a training for the upcoming seminar I do each year with high school cream of the crop kids. They balance some of what I see everday.

Spin you mention how you love Billy Holiday's voice, you should try to find music by Madeleine Peyroux. She is very similar in her phrasing and voice. I just discovered her and just love her. Anyone out there knows of her?

Vamos a bailar!

2006-04-24T00:29:00.000-07:00

I went tonight with some friends from work to another great show put on by the Spin Doctor, my good DJ friend and co-worker. He brought to our small town the wonderful Francisco Aguabella Band and they were fantastic. They are a Cuban group straight out of the Buena Vista Social Club Cuban music. They were fantastico! We danced and laughed and enjoyed this fabulous treat. Until after most of the crowd had gone, all the wierdos came out. The Chicana beauty danced with one man and then stated that he scared her as he was a little too forward and directive in the dancing. We had another wierdo who said he was hoping to induct us in his gang the crypts. This from the most boring looking white boy you can immagine! Of course we did not believe him, but it just adds to the annals of the wierd dudes that P'tit attracks when she goes out! Chicana completely agrees with that statement as we have gone dancing many time and found lots of strange guys in our little town.

We had a blast, and the place was packed. I wish my phone camera took anything that actually looks like a picture!

J'ai le vague a l'ame

2006-04-19T20:44:00.000-07:00

Litterally: I have a vagueness in my soul or something like that. An expression I feel captures my current emotional state. Work is working me. Not so much the regular stuff, but just all of the changes that are happening.

It starts with my continually getting raises. I know, I am nuts to complain about that or to experience undue stress from it. I now feel so much part of the establishment, and for an old hippy, that is a tragedy! But also, from the raise comes more expectation. It has not been overtly stated, and may be my own hang up, but I feel I will have to perform more to earn that raise, not so much that I have been doing lots and deserve it. (Catholic hang up maybe?) I know my boss does appreciate what I have done and continues to do for the agency, and about a year ago, my title was changed from coordinator to supervisor which carried some additional tasks, but not overly. But now, my direct supervisor is moving on from supervising my program to other duties and I will be more in charge, although he is still involved. Part of it is that the lines are not very clear, maybe that is what is draging me down.

Other things that add to the situation is that we do have lots of new folks directly in my "unit." All of these folks bring new styles and needs and ideas and conflicts too. I mourn our old little protected group that was so tight knit. We are now so divided and some folks are not very open and foment behind closed doors. Others want german like structure, which I cannot supply and which horrifies me anyway. My style of leadership is very non-hierarchal and open. I do not want to have harshly regulated meeting when no one can speak their mind. And at the same time, I don't understand why those who dissent cannot just say so during the meeting rather than feeling like they must do so after the fact.

The other part is that I think of my supervisor, who, as far as I know, leads an immensely isolated life, comprised mostly of his work, and little social life. This is the guy that is basically always on-call. He goes on vacation and we can still call him with queries, and some co-workers have done that. That is not the life I want for myself. That is why the raise makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I fear it for the hidden and implied costs to me, to my personal life, to my independence, to my friendships.

I would welcome any comments. Mystic, what is your crystal ball (metaphorical as it may be) telling you? I just feel alone because the person I would normally talk to is part of the target of some other's dissent, so I can't bring my concerns to her. Pffft! (Sound of P'tit sticking her tongue out at the world!)

Pretty picture:

Sonho Meu, Vai Buscar Quem Mora Longe!

2006-04-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since my last post. Now as I write this, I feel like when I went to confession as a child! Not that writing on my blog is that intimidating.

It has been raining non-stop here in the central coast of california for the last three weeks. We are all molding! Fortunately, today was sunny and bright and it was a delight to see the waves with white crests over the deep blue of the ocean, a great change from the unending gray that has been envelopping everything. The seas have been raging the last few weeks and I include some pics of the spectacles we were treated to recently. The waves have been huge (note the tiny speck that is a surfer) and crash beautifully on the breakwater. I just could not get any spectacular pictures as everything was gray, including the crashing waves!

Last week-end, the Kid and I went to Northern Carolina to visit Duke University. She has been accepted at their program for a Master of Environmental Management. The program seems great, some of the teacher fantastic, and the other students very impressive and bright. We hung out with some of the young folks who were all prospective students and it seemed like a good fit for her. There are so many options she can select in the program that it can be molded to her specific wish. She is a little worried about the funding and moving across country, and I suggested she speak to Spin who has experienced this first hand. The campus was great and there are tons of trees and wooded areas, and the climate is fairly mild, although not as much as here. (They get a couple of inches of snow a year.) Although it was nice and warm for the week-end. So she is pretty convinced that she will go there. The other options would be to go to UCSB where she has done her undergrad work and that could be less interesting to prospective employers to see someone who just sticks to one school.
View of the main lawn, very beautiful.

Finally, for my friend in the Czech republic, who like me is a bunny lover, here are some alternative to live easter bunny to entertain the children.

When the wind blows fresh on the hills

2006-03-27T21:54:00.000-08:00

It is a blustering night here in my little town and the rain in coming down in sheets. (first I typed sheep!) At times the storm is so that my house feels like it is swaying. Some response to yesterday's post brings me to comment further. Sundogs are a phenomenon that is fairly common here on the central coast and I'm not sure why here more than other places. Actually I have seen some in Florida too. Maybe it is because of the low-lying ground level that allows us to observe them better. Or maybe it is because of the proximity to the ocean. Anyway, they are a fascinating occurance and really look like there are other suns in the sky whey they are very vibrant. Yesterday's was not so bright, but enjoyable all the same.
Today I also received an e-mail from a local band that will be performing. They are quite good and one of the member traveled with us last summer. Human No Longer play a mix of jazzy funk that is greatly enjoyable. I think I will get a contingent of co-workers to go enjoy their great sound.

Oh, and I found out that the little ritual of pouring milk over pornography was actually more so the paper would degrade faster and not leave picture for all to see. My mistake.

Today was a frustrating day at work, but it was tolerable. I started to read Burro Genius, from Victor Villasenor. I really had liked rain of gold when I read it and expect I will like this one too. Tomorrow I have a training that I guess will be less than interesting, put on by some corporate deal from out of town. And it starts at 8:30, so no workout for me, and that means all than pent up energy will find somewhere to go and that is not always good!

Hidy-hidy-hi-di-ho

2006-03-26T18:30:00.000-08:00

We just returned from a short town trip to SLO town. SLO-San Luis Obispo. It is a slow town, and brings the perks of a closed-knit community. The whole family went down today to run a few errands and enjoy some swing music played by some folks that we know, one of which being the music program director who was in europe with us last summer. It was lots of fun to watch them as well as the crowd of folks dancing. Now I do love to dance, but I'm not comfortable dancing to a scripted dance such as swing. So I just watched. The bar they were playing at, and do so most sundays, is an old style saloon. Granted it has only been there about ten years, it had the flavor of an old west saloon. There are two large stuffed animal heads, a ram and a moose, and "the largest round mirror" behind the bar. I don't know if the claim still stand, and what is the actual perimeter that it applies to, but it still is a very nice mirror behind the bar. The ceiling is made of that tooled metal that reminds me of my uncle's kitchen in an old farm house when I was a child, and there is a system of pullies that activates the fans to refresh the audience. It is a fun place to hang out and one of the main places where I go dancing at night with the hords of "poly-dollies" or young university girls who barely have reached the US drinking age. It was fun to hang there while savoring some decent brew.

As we drove home, we were treated to an awesome sunset, complete with sundogs reflected from some particularly luminous clouds. The late afternoon light was reverberating off of the hills and the grass took on that amazing glow that a friend of the Kid calls "alpine glow." The sky was separated by a vaporous cloud with one half turquoise mottled with orange clouds, and the other half true sky blue with greying clouds. I just love seeing such sights. It may be one of the main reason it is so hard to leave this area. (No, I don't have any plans to leave soon, unless something extra-ordinary happens.)

Yesterday the Hubby and I saw the Waybacks. They were quite entertaining. It was a fundraiser for my agency, and lots of folks who work with me attended. It was very fun as the Office mate and I sold drinks tickets, while the bookkeepers filled the glasses. It was an inverted world as I certainly can't count. We had fun and the music was out of this world.

I also talked to the sis yesterday, and for a change it was a pretty decent conversation. She did not cry--amazing--and was able to speak of her ex in a negative, but not victim-y manner. It was great. I feel like I might have my sister back. She still complained about the young folks she works with, and how incompetent they are. I don't think younger folks are incompetent, I see plenty of older ones who fit that bill. Anyways, it was the best conversation we had in 6 years, so it does count for a lot to me. She was just returning from a trip to Venezuela, poor thing! I know she has the rough life. She did let me know that the ex told her that he was very sad not to have an occasion to see me when I went home in January. Like I would want to see him! Although if I did get a chance to see him, I would let him know how I always thought he was a simple thief that looks for an opportunity to cheat others whenever he can, and that those are not qualities that impress me, no matter how much cash a person has to throw around. It's still stolen good.

Wow two posts in two days! A record for me!

Un Pas Devant, Un Pas Derriere

2006-03-25T13:55:00.000-08:00

Since Spin is abandonning the lyrics title, I thought I could do it this one time. Well, it just came to mind since yesterday was really a day where you feel you are taking a step back.

Here I was, feeling rather good, not too upset about anything except the tedium of daily life which I find at best boring, when lo and behold the hubby gets a terrible news. Since he is already prone to depression, I always grit my teeth when he has something sad to announce. This time, the news could have a very direct impact on his life. The theater he has managed for the past 20-odd years is getting closed down as it does not meet the earthquake proof regulations. Of course it is better to not be in such a building when an earthquake occurs, but this theater has been his life for the past 20 some years and it is having a very strong impact on him, emotionally. Luckyly, the financial impact is not devastating, and we do not know yet if he will actually lose his job; but for sure, with the theater closed, his job would change drastically. Over the years, the theater has been under fire in a variety of ways such as budget cuts, 9/11, and a young vandal trying to set fire to the place, but something always came up to safeguard the building and the program. Performers such as David Benoit, Chick Correa, Winton Marsalis, and even Stan Getz, the first show the hubby did there, have graced the marquee with their names and filled the hall with their talent. I hope a solution is found that can enable this venue to continue bringing all these world class performers as well as small time community shows. The Kid also was very sad as she grew up in the backroom, played with equipment, and feels that the venue was part of her life.

I will keep you posted on this one.

Now the ongoing christian saga.

I have shared here that a co-worker's son died last month. The co-worker resumed work this week and I can tell it is very difficult for him. We would be talking about clients, and periodically, I would see him drift a little, and could sense that his thoughts were turning to his very intense pain of missing his young son. Unfortunately, I feel I am holding back from reaching out to him because of his very intense faith. He even sent an e-mail to the whole staff on Monday stating that if we attended his son's service (where the pastor attempted to recruit new souls) and we wanted to know the "Truth" we could come to him. It so rubbed me the wrong way that I made an harrassment complaint to HR. So I feel that if I reach out to him to offer support, I will get more prosetilizing. ARRGGHH! It bothers me because I really, genuinely like this young man, and would like to be a support for him, but my pagan ways would be too sacrilegious for him. Sigh.

Another good one on the christian front is that I found out that you can "purify" pornography by pouring milk over it! Anyone out there heard of that one? You can't make shit like that up, I tell you!

Amazing Moon

2006-03-15T22:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, as I was leaving work, I was treated to a wonderful sight. The full moon was rising over the hills that surround the small town of San Luis Obispo. The sky was mostly clear, but a few clouds rested softly over the hills directly under the moon and reflected the organge glow from the huge disk as it rose into the night sky. It was breathtaking.

Tonigh, I got a good laugh watching the daily show. Stewart was interviewing a man who wrote a book called "Misinterpreting Jesus" about how over the years and centuries, thousands of scribes, either purposefully or by mistake, have altered the words of the original bible. The man was very interesting and Stewart actually did a very serious interview, but he concluded by saying "that was a hell of a book." Whether it was planned or not, it sure gave me a good heartfelt laugh.

This Friday, I will go see a show from a group from Montreal that is performing right here in our little town. They are Theatre Sans Fils and feature large marionnettes (up to six feel tall) that are operated by actors who are litteraly under them. I had seen one of their productions a long time ago, and am delighted to go see them again. It is pledge week for our local PBS station and that was the price for one pledge. So I immediately called and won the tickets. I hope to take the little cutie daughter of my office mate (and my office mate) as well as the Kid who said "ohh it could be a mothers-daughters thing!" Isn't she the cutest!

Mumbo-Jumbo

2006-03-08T21:49:00.000-08:00

From a Punk group from Quebec: "I now understand that I did not understand you when you said: "Mhmph mhphm mhpphmm." They have very funny lyrics, as you can see.

This was a very fun week-end. The piercing and tat exhibit was very wierd and somewhat interesting. I was surprized to find out that Mystic hopes I will change my mind about getting a tattoo. Some of the work being shown was very odd, but others were quite beautiful. The band "X" performed and unfortunately, I had to miss their show as they started half hour late, and I had another event to go to. The whole indoor exhibit room which is often used for animals during the mid-state fair was buzzing and humming from the tattoo needles at work on at least thirty person being tattooed at a time. Some were large canvas-like projects, others where simple and small. Something I had never seen before and that was disturbing to me was the piercing where several rings are put on the side of a person, and then laced like a corset. One young man did have this work on him and all of the laces joined at his collarbone where they were tied to a leash that was held by his girlfriend. That would be a little disturbing if I did not know that mostly they seem to want to shock and attract attention in true teen fashion. Anyone else has seen this type of work?
I did find an artist from San Francisco who could probably capture the effect I am looking for. I will send her some sketches and see what we can come up with. The Kid found an artist in Oxnard that could do her design. Too bad we have such different taste and won't be able to have it done together (our original plan).

After the tat show, I went to a concert put on by the faculty of the music departement at the Hubby's college. Some were amazing and some needed a lot of work still. One young woman, who just joined the faculty, Inga Swearingen, was amazing, and another woman who I have known for several years sang opera. She has the most beautiful voice. It was very enjoyable and I got to visit with some friends I had not seen in some time.

Then on Sunday, I went to a baby shower for a co-worker, (we are a baby factory, I swear) and the event was held at an amazing home in the valley, it was simply beautiful. We had a great time with everyone that is fun that is from work. Here are some pics, views from the deck.

Finally, here is something I lifted from fellow blogger Rabbits, Toyen and so forth that was sent to her by a friend:
'There's a new Russian vampire-thriller out called Night Watch that I have no desire to see, and I can't imagine it would be likely to appeal to you, either. Nevertheless, I thought the following line of description from a review I read had something to recommend it: "Aided by Olga, a woman who has spent 60 years as a stuffed owl, [the hero] must guard a boy who seems to be in danger."'

That really makes me want to go see it, it just sounds strange enough to match my taste.

Friends in High Places

2006-03-03T21:40:00.000-08:00

We have had some strange weather out here in coastal central California. Today storms would it with a crazy force and then be done in 5-10 minutes and blue sky would come out. The sea is raging and I could see it break over the breakwater from the house (well from the street in front of the house.) Tonight, the sky is clear, it is cold and many constellations can be seen. I wonder if all or most of the northern hemisphere can see the same at this time of the year. Right now we have the Big Dipper, Orion, and so many more. The moon is on its side too like a boat. Very nice.

I can relate to Spin saying how she thinks of all these things to post and then forgets them by night time when she has time to do it. I am sorta the same way. Several time this week I had strikes of geniuses, but never made it to my page. One thing I have been thinking of putting on here is that I am curious to find out what goes on in other folks' head when they see some abandonned thing on the freeway. As I drove to work all week, I went by a shoe that must have fallen from someone's car. How did it get there? Is the owner missing it? Was it thrown there? What do folks in blogland think?

As for the friends in high places. Yesterday I worked very hard to catch us up in our documentation, an ongoing saga that is the most frustrating aspect of my job. Kids assaulting their parents and peers, no problems; parents not being able to set limits and undoing everything your whole team as worked on for six month by giving in to the kid after they have made some gains, I can handle it; but reading tons of notes documenting all we do: drives me nuts. Especially since we have to return half of them to the employees writing them for very stupid errors like not spell checking.

Anyway, after a gruelling day of frustration, I went to see Coco Montoya, a great blues guitar player. First, I walked in without paying, as the show was put on by my friend and co-worker the SpinDoctor, then I got a free beer, and just had a great time dancing to some first class music. I felt like Jake and Elwood would walk on stage at any time. The band had a guitar, played backwards (left hand with a right hand stringing, bass on the bottom!) a kick-ass bassman, a keyboard, and a drummer who did a 15 minute solo towards the end of the show. They were great. Several friends from work were there and folks from the Hubby radio station were there as well. It was lots of fun.

Part of the entertainment was this wierdo guy who was dancing, flailing all over the place. He was jumping and shaking and jiggling everything and looked bizarre the instant he came on the dance floor. But then, he decided that he took and interest in me (I always attrack the wierd ones). As we were dancing and enjoying the music, he came up to me and faked offered me a hit of a fake joint! As I declined, he tried to explain to me that it was not real (as if I was to obtuse to notice he had nothing in his hand). A little later, he came by again to ask me to dance; and as I was declining his offer, the young woman who was dancing with me, who went to school with the Kid, thougt maybe I would not know how to get rid of annoying men in bars (since I am just a little old lady who never went out, and also whenever we go out as a group from work we look out for each others). She comes closer to see if she can send the guy away. He then said (and I am not making this up) "Ooh, I get it. Do you know where I can find some heterosexual girls around here?" We laughed so hard, that was just too funny. Of course any woman who could resist him must be queer! Later the same guy was "humping" the column that is in the center of the room. He was quite entertaining. We all loved the music though, it made all the crazy work dissapear for a few hours.

Tomorrow I go to a tattoo fair in Paso Robles. Maybe I'll get my first tat!

Good times, Good times

2006-02-26T20:17:00.000-08:00

I had a very fun week-end. The Kid and I repainted the bathroom to make it more cheerful. You can see the fruit of our labor in the pictures.

I have been wanting to do that for some time, but never got around to it, so when the Kid asked on Saturday, we rushed to the paint store and got started. The Hubby was hard at work with a Jazz band festival all day so the Kid and I got few interuptions wich was great. I must say I am very proud of the look. Now we have to get some white towels (Yikes! did that word get out of my keyboard? White as in white that needs bleach? In my less than pristine house?
We'll have to see about that.) to make it even better and a new little cabinet kinda thing to put above the toilet to put our various conconctions of "beautifying agents." We just have a mess of various stuff that we probably ought to chuck right into the trash, but all the women out there will know what I mean. Maybe I'll use this again, and hoo, this little container is so cool! I feel like Cathy of the comic strip, but we do get lots of stuff.

Also we had a blast going hot tubbing with Brown Girl. We talked for the longest time and could have spent three hours in that tub yakking and enjoying champagne. It was a lot of fun. She is such an uplifting woman that even when we kvetch, we laugh out loud about everything. I just love her. I was going to take pictures of us in the hot tub as it was raining and we brought our umbrellas in case we got a downpour, but we did not need them the tree canopy kept our heads dry.

Thursday I went to dinner and dancing with friends from work. We had sushi and a sushi virgin came with us, but really enjoyed the food. The whole town was frantic because of the "Tour de California" that stop in our town. It was a big cycling event and lots of folks were there to see the riders. They were showing the broadcast on this giant screen while we were dancing, it was sorta wild. This very cute young woman that dances with us was getting hit on by all kinds of weird guys as usual and we just shooed them away when they got too agressive. I always laugh when a twenty something guy tries to come on to me. The big surprise was that one of our co-worker who has been out on leave due to a knee surgery came out dancing with us. She is very much the shy christian girl, or at least that is what we all thought and thursday she was all out of control, dancing with all of these guys and shaking some serious booty! We all laughed so hard, it was lots of fun. I'll see if I can get the picture someone got from her on their cell phone and post it here. She always seem so shy, it was great to see this change of character for her.

Unfortunately, I go back to work tomorrow, I sorta got used to those three day week-ends! Right now it is raining and that is great. We are supposed to get some thunderstorm! I just love those!

Music, always Music!

2006-02-21T23:24:00.000-08:00

I was treated to a great concert tonight. I went to see the Derek Trucks Band at our own local Auditorium, the Hubby's venue. They were out of this world. The singer has a smooth and sensual voice that was great, and Derek's guitar playing was spellbinding. I brought my friend who is getting a divorce and she really enjoyed having this time to get away from the stress the home front brings to her these days. The opening band was the Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band. They were great also, but in a completely different way. The had an Indiana backyard kinda band with a drummer, a washboard player and a guitar playing singer. They are made of the reverend (guitar and voice) his wife (washboard) and brother of the reverend (drummer). The wife and the reverend were both quite large and were a joy to see as they truly lost themselves in the music. She was wearing a sleeveless black dress, some fishnet stocking and bright redish-purplish hair. When the reverend was talking about how long ago they lived in the country in Indiana, she said "what are you talking about, your're 24! Can't have been that long ago!" They were a great way to start the concert. My friend, who also works with me said we should get their CD in play it at work, just to irk the christians, after all the music is played by a "reverend!" It was a great time. Check out the bands online see if you like them too.

Symantec-Shmymantec

2006-02-19T23:30:00.000-08:00

I had my computer highjacked by my new download of virus protection program for the last few days and have not been able to keep up with everyone. Hope to do so tomorrow as I have a day off, thanks dead presidents!

I have been watching lots of the Olympics and have had ups and downs with the canadian athletes, and my week as also been full of ups and downs.

I shared last week that a friend and co-worker lost his son, and there was a funeral for the little boy last wednesday. It was very emotional, and very christian. I was rather upset and angry leaving the service as the preacher or pastor or whatever he is used the death of the child as a "call to the altar" I guess is the term for it. He stated that you could react in only two ways to the death of this child: either you will go away from god or will come towards him. He then also talked about how empty a life without Jesus would be, and how all of our souls would be lost. Anyway, it felt very opportunistic and misguided to use the death of this child and the immense sorrow of his family to try and converts the few folks in the audience, including me, who do not belong to a christian church. I really liked what my friend said, that having this child had deepened his spirituality, because it was heartfelt. The pitch of the official sounded more like a car salesman approach to spirituality, one of the main reasons I stay away from religions. The crowd felt cultish and wierd as they sang some hymn and raised their hands. I guess I sing some Hip Hop song and raise my hands too, but it is not the only meaning to my life. To me, there was a third option that this death brought in relation to spirituality: it had no effect on my spirituality. Death is part of life, and while I feel sadness and sorrow that my friend lost his beloved son, I also have known death, and have grown to accept it. Not that I am in denial, and that I would not hurt immensely should my child died, but I would not blame god for it, nor attach this death to a pre-ordained wish from god designed to teach me and the world around me something in particular. The whole event brought some very strange emotions to the surface and the whole agency was buzzing with it. Lots of folks spoke of feeling guilty because of the sermon, and other wondered if they should reconsider their spiritual positions, it was draining.

The other draining phenomenon was that one of my client finally was arrested and brought to the Juvenile Hall as no-one could keep him safe. It was a month of trying to help him that just kept failing at different levels. So for now we have some respite. It was a sad event as this child is very much lost emotionally and takes care of himself through anger and defiance. It is always sad to see a young person that cannot be reached when so many folks are trying to do so.

There was a fantastic party at my friend Ponytail's house yesterday. Lots of good music played by many who attended; a delicious dinner, this huge salmon done on the grill; lots of good friends; kids running around; it was a blast. It was a housewarming party for him as he just bought his mother's home and moved in with his little son. It was cold and rainy, but it did not stop anyone from having a good time and gathering by the oudoors stove, chatting and laughing. I needed that.

The Olympics for the most part have been fun to watch, although I have just seen the poor canadian girl get thrown in the ice dancing and that was very scary! I am angry that the canadian men are not doing better in hockey, but overall canada is doing well. The woman hockey team from canada seems poised for a gold. One thing I do love from the winter games: not a US sweep. I just get really tired in the summer games of seeing all of these professional athletes blowing the competion away because other countries do not have the same resources. Although, there are many countries which are not represented in the winter games. Pakistany skaters? Not common.

Feels good to write. I feel like I have few opportunities to do so and I do enjoy it. I feel trapped by the "ought to" these days and as a result, I do none of them. I did shop a bit today, but did not find what I wanted. I am looking for some winter gloves as the sales prevail right now, but did not find what I wanted.

I go get my eyes examined on Tuesday and then will get new glasses. I will get a pic when I get them.

That's it for now.

Fried Chicken

2006-02-13T20:54:00.000-08:00

Here I am cooking a whole mess of Southern Fried Chicken on this fine Monday evening. No, this is not a customary fare for the P'tit Loup household, but tomorrow we do have a Pot Luck at work and the theme is Soul Food. So I looked online and found an easy recipe of fried chicken and I am elbow deep in frying oil. I hope folks like it.

I know I complain about where I work, but the monthly pot luck is sorta fun and most of the folks that I work with are quite nice. So here I am, frying up a storm.

I don't know about the rest of the world, but here in California, it is summer! Today we took a long walk on the beach, and tons of folks were having pic-nics and enjoying the balmy weather. The house was immensely hot all day and it was great to enjoy the ocean breeze. It is crazy to think that most of the east coast is covered in snow, while we are enjoying better weather than ever. Usually summers here are foggy and cold, so this is just wonderful to feel some heat. Some folks say that unseasonnal heat is a sign of earthquakes, but I'm not sure I believe that myth after 25 years of living here.

Here is a shot of the rising moon I took last night.

And a shot of my new purse I bought with the Kid at Urban Oufitter which just opened this week in our town. I love the purse because it will hold my files when I have to take them and has some nifty compartments for pens! I am a penaholic and must have great places to put all of my pens. So this was a find and pretty affordable too!

Mixed Bag

2006-02-11T22:02:00.000-08:00

I'll start by the worst and then get better from there. Two bad news yesterday, my friend's young son did pass away, but by now, had he survived, he would have had very little hope of being healthy or able to reach any normal milestones. So while I am sad, and can't even fathom what my friend, his wife and other two sons feel, I find solace that he will not suffer for years to come, with no hope of recovery.

Then I want to spew for a paragraph. We continue to have wierd run-in with our partner agency social services. If it was not so crazy, it would be funny. I provided a training in our program yesterday to the County Social Service Department. We were expecting 20 to 30 folks. Eight showed up and only three stayed for the whole training. I was so furious! My boss said: "Even if only two of them get it, it's better than none." But to me, all the prep time and presentation time for three folks, that's just crazy. About five person from my agency worked to prepare the presentation, and presented for four hours, isn't that crazy!

Allright now for the fun stuff!
Yesterday, I had dinner with Brown Girls and Hot Stuff and I had a blast. Both of these women used to work with me and have since left my agency to open their own private practice and are both very upbeat and funny. We had a blast, gossiped about the insanity of my agency and all of the christians who lead it, the male/stepford wives relationship that most of the hyper christians share, and tons of other stuff. It was a blast. I found out that one friend we have, the Hairdresser, who is fairly flaming, just returned from having injections designed to make his penis grow larger, and Hot Stuff reported that it was very successful. We laughed a lot with that one. I guess that since so many females have their breast enlarge, I should not be surprized that males would find themselves subject to the desire of having larger penises. Hot Stuff also talked about her current flame, and how that is going. She is not called hot stuff for nothing, she is very curvaceous and lovely, and I guess I live vicariously through her as she attempts to find the right guy. She could rival with many reality TV show. Brown Girl is a latina woman who laughs easily and has the most bubbly personality I know. Her husband is currently writing a book that evaluates christian belief as a psychological phenomenon. I can't wait for the book to come out. We use to provide diversity training for our agency together and had loads of fun doing so. They have a small practice here in town that is growing and keep droping hints that I should join them, and I might do so at some point in time, especially if I can do so slowly. Sort of a transition.

The last highlight today is that due to something I bought online for christmas, I received this music magazine for free, complete with a free cd and a card for 50 songs that I can download from the e-music site. Isn't that a great way to end a week? And I get the next two mondays off, thanks to the american government. Over New Year, when I was at my friends in Val David, we discussed national holidays and found that the US has four more than Canada! Yes folks, not only do you freeze for six to eigth months, but you also work for more days a year. Sorry to rub it in. Oh yes, but we do have Bushie for a leader, I guess it all evens out somehow!

Tonight, the moon is gorgeous above my house, clear and bright, and letting us make out the ondulating lines of the surrounding hills. Simply beautiful.

Grossness!

2006-02-08T20:50:00.000-08:00

I work with weird people. Now you may think that I mean my clients, but no, I mean the partner agencies that we work with: Social Services, Mental Health, Probation etc. Tonight I did an orientation for a potential new client. This was requested by our partners from the Social Services Department. The family, as all of our families, has a host of problem and a child that is very much out of control, sometimes at home, and other times at school. Mother did great and even acknowledged for the first time to anyone that her use of alcohol may be a factor in some of her difficulties and that she has entered sobriety as of last week. A great orientation you would say. I agree, when I think of the family. Two workers from Social Services were present. One of them, a woman, who has a strong reputation for poor judgement calls and shoddy work, slept through 3/4 of the meeting where I explain to the family what they can expect from our program and the family's responsibility if they choose to participate. In addition, while she drifted off into Morphe's inviting arms, her shirt crept up and exposed her whole stomach, which is quite large (for a long time I thougth she was pregnant, until I realized that it had been much more than nine months). I was so irrate, first that she slept through my presentation, but also at her lack of professionalism. We've all had fashion faux-pas where some article of cloting does not cooperate, but this was far more than I have ever encountered! Anyway, I consulted with my supervisor and will forward a depiction of the meeting to her supervisor. I believe the other person from Social Services will do the same as I saw him at times try to get her attention and wake her, to no avail.

I told you I work with weird folks!

Other things that have been on my mind lately is that there seem to be several distressing events in the lives of my co-workers. My office mate and close friend just had a miscarriage and is now filing for divorce, another woman's husband is having a heart infection which is causing his blood pressure to sky-rocket, another woman's son who has cerebral palsy had a severe bronchitis and the family had to decide whether or not to ressucitate should his heart or lungs fail, and another worker's young son (about 5) is fighting for his life with a brain tumor at Lucile Packard (Stanford) Hospital for children. I wonder what this convergence of unfortunate events means, if anything. It seems like too many bad stories all grouped into one and it is creating stress for all of us. I hope the stars move on and things mellow out.

Such nonsense

2006-02-07T21:01:00.000-08:00

I continue to be frustrated by what I read on the news. Last week I found out that the next federal budget, while making tax cuts to the rich and corporations permanent, will cut deeply into entitlement services, health care and mental health programs. Yeah! So the california victory of 2004, the mental health services act which generates funds by taxing millionaires in california becomes inconsequent, since it will only replace funds lost to the hands of the federal budget. It feels like the more you row, the faster the current gets and you keep staying in the same place, or get further behind.

Pretty pictures: The wintry, windy skies on Sunday.

Scrumptious!

2006-01-29T21:01:00.000-08:00

Here are some pics of the beach in the winter in my lovely little town.

I just tried one recipe from a site that Radmila recommended on her blog today and it was fantastic. I would have given her the compliment on her blog page, but I often have a hard time posting on her site, for some reason it does not always load up completely. Thanks all for your kind words about my ridiculous injury, it's not severe or anything but mostly annoying. Hopefully it will get better soon as I miss having to think so hard about moving the right way, and I wanted to go to the snow soon to cross-country sky or even try snowboarding!

Starry Starry nights

2006-01-28T20:37:00.000-08:00

I seem to be writing less and less lately. I must confess that work continues to be a bear and I come home exhausted and spent, ready to mindlessly watch tv. On the plus side, the Aussie Open was on most of the week and I took great pleasure in watching some of the matches. Too bad Mauresmo did not get good games from her opponents on her way to the title, three of them retired with injuries. I am tempted to stay up most of the night to watch the Federer-Baghdatis live at midnight. I'll see how I feel.

I have been on-call for a little over 24 hours and it already feels like I have spent a week with the thing. I am getting lots of calls and it makes me feel drained. It is keeping me from doing stuff that I would like to do, such as enjoy a good alcoholized beverage or go for a walk as it keeps needing my attention. On the plus side is that I have brought home from Montreal lots of great films and TV shows on DVD and my sequestration via pager gives me a guilt free occasion of watching them.

I am still hurting from retrieving something from my big blue recycling bin. The thing is 4 feet tall and I tried to fish out something that the Hubby recycled by mistake last Saturday night. As a result I bruised or stretched my ribs and side muscles. It is painful when I breathe, laugh, sleep and try to turn over, and when I try to reach out and forget that I can't. I have taped it, and taken Tylenol and Ibuprofen, but it does not seem to change much. I must say though that the power of Tylenol to reduce pain is greatly superior to that of Ibuprofen, although the latter is supposed to reduce inflamation, but does not do much for pain. The taping does not do much either, but I have slept a little better with taping and pain reliever. I tried to exercise yesterday, but I think it was premature and I am in more pain today. But pain is so subjective.

The skys in these parts have been mostly clear and have yielded some spectacular nights, bright, crisp and cribbled with lovely sparkling stars. I do love a night sky, it makes me feel so small, yet infinitely connected to the universe and all of its inhabitants. I can think of my friends who are far away and who can also enjoy the stars, and that makes me feel closer to all those I know but do not get a chance to see as often as I would like.

One of the most fun part of my week has been to listen to the Mes Aieux CD. Of particular interest is the song "Homage en Grain" about Poutine as it describes the dish to a salsa beat. I can't help but laugh everytime I hear it. Oh and yes, it is as disgusting as described and shown, and no I have not sampled it, however, I have had "Patate-Sauce," which is basically Poutine without the cheese, just a little less fat, but not much! With this, I launch a challenge: What is the most disgusting dish your native homes have produced? Think small regional weirdness, please!

Confusion

2006-01-22T21:31:00.000-08:00

I find life confusing at best, don't you? Here I was, having a pleasant evening with the Hubby (first we went to see Narnia, which, I think, was actually well done, and then we went out to dinner) and as we sat, chatting and enjoying wine and dinner, this homeless guy came by on a bicycle, hauling along a mattress (his bed) on a specially designed trailer for his bike. First, I marvelled at the ingenuity of the guy, and then I felt deep sadness that at this time of the year, when even in California, it is quite cold at night, anyone has to sleep outside, on a makeshift bed. Now, I have camped in the winter near Vancouver and was not too sorry for myself doing so, but I was 23 or so, and knew this was not a lasting state of affair. It just hit me as we sat enjoying our expensive meal and wine, that this guy probably barely ate today and would sleep by the creek as long as no cops picked him up tonight. I feel unsettled. It does not help that the Mr and I did not see eye to eye all day and continue to inhabit our disjointed universe despite trying to get on the same page today. I guess some days are like this.

On the plus side, the sky tonight is amazing (ůžasný, new čech word courtesy of the drummer's kind e-mail message). The stars are immensely bright in our california sky as there is no haze. One of the sorrow of the sky here is that there is usually some level of visibility impairement due to the mist coming from the ocean. (Yeah, life sucks, hey?, ocean, mild weather, lots of sunshine) But tonight, the cold, crisp air allows the stars to shine to their brightest, and I was lucky enough to notice them, in all their splendor.

"La vie est drolement faite, maluron-lurette"

2006-01-19T22:32:00.000-08:00

One of the cds I brought back from my trip is that of "Mes Aieux" (which means my ancesters). It's a great group of actors turned musicians to make ends meet. Their song "Continuer Pareil" sounds particularly a propos today. Work continues to be insane as I have no down time between supervising the two new workers and all the rest of what I'm supposed to do. The big boss today also adds a task to my list, like there is time in my nearly 10 hours days to add anything! (I accidentally typed ass, hmm, very freudian!). My very close friend and co-worker is also going through her second miscarriage in 6 months or so, and the families we work with are just out of control. So yeah la vie est drolement faite!(Life is made funny). What I like about the song is that it ends on "if life is poorly made, we must change it." How social workish of me to go for the call to action!

Oh yeah, also the man who served as secretary for the last two years for my local social worker unit committed suicide this week-end, get ready, while he was supposed to be in a suicide watch at the local inpatient unit! Great! I feel so safe sending the kids I work with there now! Not an up week for me. Everyone at work feels overworked as a result of some folks leaving the agency and having no-one yet to replace them. This too shall pass.

Lucky I live in such a beautiful place that helps me refill the void.

I'm so anti establishment

2006-01-13T23:03:00.000-08:00

I had a fun evening with friends as we said goodbye to a co-worker who is moving on to a new job. He also announced that he is getting married sometimes soon and some discussion ensued on marriage and men and women's idea of marriage. I just find it amazing how so many women want a huge wedding with all the fixing. I just don't get it. As he was saying that the wedding would really be for her, I thought then why do you go through with it if it is not something you want too? And all the folks there agreed that the wedding is really more for the woman, and that the guy should indulge his new mate with the wedding she wants. I don't get it. Anyway or as Spin would put it pretty pictures.

Here is a fun site I stumbled upon today. Spin, check this one out, it is especially for you! Threadbared

"Lovely and Snowy"

2006-01-10T23:29:00.000-08:00

Church in Saint-Sauveur

Classic little street in Montreal. Note the Quebec flag next to center tree.

Montreal was "lovely and snowy" as Spin put it. It was very snowy in fact, and about five days out of 11 there was some snowfal. The up side to all that was that it was mild weather condition for the most part and we were not uncomfortable. It was great fun visiting my family and for the first time in I don't know how long, we were all four siblings together. My Sis did not miss an opportunity to let us know just how miserable she is and how terrible it is for her and her children that her husband left her. She also complained at lenght about how her brand new house (three stories, including basement, with three bedrooms, a large kitchen with all new appliances, huge yard, wood floors, fireplace, etc) was so much not as nice as what she should be living in! Meanwhile, "back at the ranch", I don't have a dishwasher, dryer, fancy stove, or storage space, but really, I don't care. I'm rather content with my wierdo house that is old and funky, except for the pincher bugs that plague my bedroom, and the occasional ant invasion. But, hey, we live in california, and an old, slab house.

Other than that, I had a great time, bought a ton of music and films that do not reach the us, chatted in french with loads of folks and that was grand. I now want to be served in french at every store I enter! It feels like such a challenge sometimes to live your life in a foreign language! (English) It was so fun even that I now miss the snow, and we had to dig the huge truck we rented (a 4X4 jeep, that was the biggest thing I ever went in, but it did serve its purpose for two out of practice snow drivers on country roads that have not seen a grate or snowblower for three snow storms) out of the snow to make it in time to the airport to return home yesterday morning!

Here are a couple of pics of our adventures.

Silly Question

2005-12-27T18:36:00.000-08:00

Spin is well acquainted with my challenges with computers. Although I am somewhat functional, I also have moments where the darn things drive me batty and I can't get them to do what I want. So this is a plea to all of those out there who are expert in blogland and who feel so inclined to lend me a hand. Some folks state that they can find out who has visited their sites and where in the world the visitors are from. How do you do that? I have a blog counter, but I can't see how to get info on who visits, only the end number of hits. Can anyone enlighten me?

Zatím (čech for: meanwhile) I continue to plan my trip to Quebec, which is getting more and more interesting. My nephew called on christmas to ask if we could all meet in montreal one nigth to have dinner as he won't be able to come up to my sister's home since he returns to vancouver on the first. So now I try to coordinate this from california, and I can sense that my sis is not too please that I should hook up with anyone else, and that this diversion will keep some folks from coming to her home. Mind you, she did not say that, but the way she said, "well do what you want, it'll be fine." (Read between the lines: your poor, abandonned sister will manage).

Cayaking in Morro Bay

Well Ok, two martinis later, remember, my "petit choux" ( a variation on Flash's greeting, instead of peas, you have all been upgraded to the status of brussel sprouts!) I drink today as I was on-call for my agency for the christmas week-end, and since the Hubby gave me some lovely Martiny glasses for a present, I must now christen them by drinking some lovely martinies made of the delicious Hendricks Gin graciously given to me by the Base Man on my birthday. That stuff is wicked! Anyway, I have spent most of the night speaking french to: my nephew, my brother, and this sweet hotel desk clerk, Abdul, as I arrange the final details of my trip and the first day being in Montreal. The hotel will be next to my bro's home and was quite expensive in Canadian dollars, but not so bad in american (Haha, a running joke with some of my canadian friends). I will keep you all posted if I can, otherwise I will post back when I return home on the 10th of January.

Here at home, we are all preparing to get seriously cold and purchasing warm clothing and boots as we do not need them in this balmy central california weather. I hope we get to snowboard, cross-country sky and slide down big hills in lots of beautiful snow! We leave Thursday afternoon, and if I can find a connected computer, I will give you all updates, and post lots of pictures! (Please remember to answer the question that started this post!, thanks!)

Not a critter was stirring all through the house

2005-12-25T12:38:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

My friend the Belgian artist and her friend the teddy bear.

The Kid, her friend, and his grandmother.

We had a lovely Christmas Eve dinner at our friends' house even thougt some of the guests were missing. Mr. Loup stayed home as he felt rather sick and did not want continue passing on the flu that is already making the rounds in our area. So he stayed home and coughed and sneezed instead.

It has been two insanely busy weeks with the Holiday preparation and getting sick, hence no post from me for so long. But today, with a little bit of down time after opening present and calling some relatives, I can do a small post to wish everyone a very merry christmas even though some probably are already on boxing day!

Lots of hugs and good wishes from the P'tits family.

This one is for you, Mystic! The Cranberry tart was out of this world!

Parallel Universe?

2005-12-11T22:14:00.000-08:00

I can't remember if I stated that here before, but the family and I will be going to Montreal for a week long visit at the first of the year. It'll be fun to see the snow and the relatives. I get to meet my two grand-nefews, and see my sister's new house. I may also get a chance to see my good friend, the Artist who also has a new house out in the country. It seems to be the new trend.

The reason I came up with this obscure title is that I called my sister to tell her that we are definitively coming and set up some loose arrangements for our time there. As usual, she was in full self depreciating form, going on and on about how miserable she is since her husband has left her, and how mean he is to her because he has a life and lots of cash (that he mostly appropriates by being less than honest in my mind) and she goes on and on. The last time I posted about my sister, Spin also had a contact with her sis, and today I find in her post that she also called her sister, hence the title. I do not mean to sound heartless toward my sister, but tonight, I finally told her that I could not continue to hear her self-depreciation that is completely related to how her ex and his family have abandonned her and how she no longer has a family (which insults me to no end, especially if you consider the ex's family, a bunch of folks, who from the manner in which they act must believe their lives are being taped for the cheesiest of soap opera). Anyway, we had about 5 minutes of real conversation and then we went back to the jeremiades of poor sis and her misfortune, having no one who can relate to her, no one who loves her and has sex with her etc, etc, etc. Does she realizes what she is saying? How many folks are out there, living in solitude? She has friends, children who adore her and visit her every chance they have, she is very comfortable, even though she complains about her lack of funds. ARG, I don't know what to do about her. And then I was thinking as the conversation goes on for ever "Why am I going to spend nearly a week with this woman?" Do I want to hear more of that, and a diatribe on how much every piece that is in her house cost her, and what, by contrast, her ex has in his house? And then she talks about how maybe she will get sick and die from all of the grief she is suffering. And she state that it has happened to others that she knows. Don't get me wrong, I certainly have experience suicidal ideation, and I know others do as well, it's just that she has to bring it up a every damn conversation! If I suggest therapy or meds, she goes on that she does not want to gain weight, and others that she knows who are taking anti-depressant are like this or like that and that.... I should stop, this ranting is just as much a waste of energy as the conversation itself. I just always feel drained after talking to her. I can spend hours treating depressed and suicidal clients, talking to friends who are experiencing set backs and struggling physically or emotionally, but it does not frustrate me, I feel empathy. But with my sis, I just feel anger and frustration. Maybe it's because I know the jerk who dumped her, I know he cheated on her long before he moved on, but she still wants him, his cash, and his manipulation. That is what I don't get. If he came to her tomorrow, she would take him in a sec. Spin and Mystic, is there enough for a reading on her? Maybe something I could take back to her and maybe something other than rationality can reach her. Although, if you read this, I probably don't sound too rational myself, as my own emotion certainly get triggered a great big deal with her.

The venting always helps, thanks guys.

Somehow, this is the perfect picture for me tonight.

Busy times

2005-12-08T21:50:00.000-08:00

My friend the Drummer.

It seems it has been a long time since I have posted. Never fear, I have been busy reading several of the regular. You probably see my replies on your blogs.

There is not much new on my side but the drugery of work, hence few posting as I feel uninspired by the tedium. I had a fun time with friends on Tuesday though. A fundraiser for work was set up by some of the Admin where two of the women bartended all night at a local hang out, restaurant/bar, and donated all of the tips they made for the evening. They raised $600 for christmas gifts for the kids we serve. It was fun hanging out with some friends, consuming a little too much alcohol, and tipping heavily! After that event we went to Frog and Peach to continue our dedicated consumption of libation and listen to a band. The Kid came along, which was a boost. What was also especially fun was that the cousin of a young co-worker came out to me as being bi. I knew I liked that girl! Since my agency is very christian (I marvel that I am still there after 5 years, since I don't buy into religions, particularly christianity) I always expect the co-workers to be christian, so I rejoice when I find some that are not, even if it is via their relatives. I have gone dancing with this woman a few times in the past and we always had a good time, even though I could be her mom. Don't get me wrong, I am not wanting a relationship, or a fling with her, but just think she is a great person. We live in a small, conservative town, where the queer life is understated, and it is always great to meet some progressive folks. Plus, since the Kid is also queer, I love to see others to bulk up her community. Anyway. Am I making any sense? I am to myself if no-one else.

This week also, I received news from my friend in the Czech Republic, and I always enjoy that. He sent some older pics of his band and stated that he was in France for a while with a choir. I am so jealous! Even though he says that it rained all the time and he had a horrible time driving.

The other big rant: Yes, Yes, Yes, the christian agency. It gets worst and worst! The big topic this week is the dress code. We do work with many kids with sexual issues, either molest or perpetration, and we need to be mindful of what we wear, but we were assaulted this week by a new dress code where we are being encouraged to wear shirts with collars (I have never worn that in my life!) and with the agency's logo. Attention K-mart shoppers? If I wanted to wear a uniform, I'd sign up somewhere else where maybe I could get paid more. That is just a huge trigger for me, as I am a hopeless hippy. Banned are athletic shoes, and t-shirts, and a few other items. We are getting so big brother-ish it turns my stomach. Most of our workers are out in the field, working with kids, playing soccer or anyting that might keep these kids out of trouble, and are now required to change to come in the office in order to "look appropriate." One brilliant young lady stated that she will indicate on her time card the time required for her to change from one outfit to the other, because you cannot play with our kids or sit on their floors (some of which have not been vacuumed in months) in your business casual. I told her I would back her up every step of the way.

The other part ties in with the christian thing. With christmas and the whole debate in america over "Merry Christmas" and "Happy Holidays." It has come to that. We are, by far, the most retarded nation on the face of the planet. Why on Earth does it matters how people greet you. Hyper Christian now are boycotting stores who do not state Merry christmas somewhere in their store as using happy holidays is the liberal agenda, taking the christ out of christmas. Also under fire is the practice of writing xmas instead of christmas. Hello? Are folks so bored with their empty lives that they have to go to that extent to entertain themselves. I guess I am masochistic as I read all of these letters to the editors with these inane comments and just raise my blood pressure to no end. Maybe I'm just as crazy!

One last thing. I will go for a week to visit my sis and bros over in the coldest part of the world! (well almost) Mystic, you can relate, I will go to Montreal and the area to spend some time with my siblings for the new year. I think it'll be fun and I will get to see some snow. So I'll take lots of pictures for all to see.

Sorry about the tirade, but all of the non-christians at my agency have been miserable and many are looking for new ventures and opportunities.

I'll try to post more and to come up with something fun next time.

Creativity

2005-12-02T22:58:00.000-08:00

I always marvel at how creative folks are with their posts. I just pass on my thoughts and struggles, but to each his style.

Today was a crazy day at work. Lots of calls as since one worker left, I am covering for her and helping the new woman who is coming along little by little. So I am really covering 9 families. Our program is set for each social worker to cover a maximum of 6, so it is a little crazy in my world these days. Luckily, the other new hire will start on Monday. But I still have to train her and finish the other gal's training. Also I had the pager all week, which is always nuts. Just having it is nuts because you don't know when it will go off. I only had two calls but it puts me on edge and I don't like it.

Tonigh I went out with the Kid and her new girlfriend, a very sweet gal. We had a good time getting to know each other. She is a down home good soul kind of a person and I liked her right away. Of course the Kid still has to come out to the Hubby, which now she think she should not do. I keep trying to push her on it, but she feels that he is always so depressed and upset, it would just make things worse. I told her he is like that anyway. Those of you who know him will not recognize him from that description but that is how he is most of the time and sometimes I find it hard to live with. But that is the nature of relationships, they require a lot of work. No fairy tales for the humans.

We went to this nice restaurant as there was a fundraiser around the county for AIDS Support Network. Participating restaurants donated 10% of profits to the agency for the whole day. They do it every year and different places participate. I also wanted to see an exhibit of artwork created by Cal Poly students who went to Italy last summer, but we lingered at the restaurant and they were closed by the time we got there. Maybe I can go tomorrow.

I guess I should start the christmas gift thing, but I am not into it quite yet. I need to get the stuff to mail early enough to mail it so maybe I'll get that done soon. I always wish I planned better and would make most of my gifts, but when it gets too close, I don't have time. I'll see if I can get my creative juices flowing.

California winter

2005-11-27T21:46:00.000-08:00

Here I am kicking myself for not bringing a camera everywhere I go, especially after seeing all of the great pictures Flash put on his blog.

The last two nights have been quite cold, and the stars are brighter than ever, because the cold air makes for clearer skies around these parts. Also today, the horizon was the furthest I can remember seeing. Usually there is a bank of fog or haze that sits out at sea and makes a crisp, well-defined horizon impossible to discern.

Last night, the hubby and I saw the new Harry Potter, and it was ok. I am not a big fan of the series, but for what they are it was worth the admission.

Today was more entertaining in my mind though. We went to some friends who host a yearly craft show at their glass blowing workshop. I am always fascinated to watch them do some demos, and today was no exception. The culmination of the show, was a piece made conjointly by 5 artisans. It was designed by one of them, and was a rooster, sitting on an egg in a nest. It took them a good hour to put together, and I just loved every minute of it. As the temperature dropped outside, about 35F the last two nights, it was great to be in the workshop, near the roaring kiln that melts the glass, enjoying wine, and banter between the small audience and the artists. I love watching the glowing glass as it is shaped and reheated repeatedly, while the artist coaxed shapes out of it. I also noticed how the outside shape often does not change when the artist blows in the glass. The bubble inside the molten glass reaches the outside shape of the substance. One young man made a vase and was fascinating to see work as he added colour to the shape, then twirled the amber ball in the air to give it an elongated shape. It was great. It started the shopping season for the holidays, as I need to send items across the border to canada to my family.

It was great walking to the car in complete darkness as there was no moon or streetlight to take away the beauty of the stars, crisp and twinkling in the inky sky. Very pleasant.

Thanksgiving dinner

2005-11-24T23:55:00.000-08:00

As usual, we had a good crowd of about twenty, if we count the Soccer Coach, who arrived at about 9 PM. He had to help a friend who had car trouble and could not get to the house earlier. We were all glad that he made it even though he missed a lot of the merriment. Everyone brought some food that was out of this world. Here are some pictures. Mystic, if you like sugar, you would have been in heaven!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Radmilla's meme

2005-11-24T00:20:00.000-08:00

This one just was interesting to me, so I decided to go ahead and do it.

Name 3 people you absolutely miss right this moment that you haven't seen in some time.
1) My Brother
2) A friend I met this summer
3) The Travel Agent

Name 3 things you miss about home during the holidays (be it people, smells, foods, whatever).
The snow
Ogilvy's decorated Christmas window
Red and white fish candy (can't find them in the US)

Name 1 holiday memory that you have from childhood that you will never forget.
Opening my present of a panda bear, the first time I went to midnight mass at the age of 5. I still have a picture of my family from that year where I am clutching that bear.

Name at least 1 favorite book or movie that always reminds you of the holidays.Magoo's christmas, we watched it in french and just laughed, it is so funny.

Name your top 3 favorite holiday songs that get you in the mood to celebrate.A lot of religious songs, not because I am religious, but because of the memories associated to them: silent night, les anges dans nos campagnes, Bruce Coburn christmas cd and A very Special Christmas cd with various artists.

If you could go anywhere other than home for the holidays, where would you choose to go and who would you want to bring along? This year, since it has been a while, anywhere there is snow, so probably the nearest mountains (Kings Canyon or Yosemite), and I would take the family.

The Grinch or Rudolph?Definitely the grinch, he is so much more interesting and he has that cute dog too!

Formal holiday dinner or casual get-together food?
We always had salmon for christmas, since we lived in a landlocked area (Montreal) and it was special to my mom. I do that a lot or sometimes a goose or duck, and it is usually informal.

Name the best holiday gift you ever received and why.
A crystal pendent from the hubby, because I did not have to ask this specific piece, and he got it!

Describe the funniest holiday moment you've ever had.
Having a new year's party at my cousin's church because he was on-call and ending up singing show tunes in the church, while he played them on the organ.

Name a holiday memory that truly warmed your heart.
Several agencies I have worked for get presents for kids during this time of year and one year I delivered all of the present that had not been claimed and would not otherwise make it to the families they were collected for. One family had a slew of kids, all living in a trailer. They mostly spoke spanish, and the oldest brother, about 10, took charge of making sure the present would not be opened until parents returned home. The exitement in those kid's face was very heartwarming. Another teen girl, who had been in all kinds of trouble, just was so exited to get anything from our agency, and came to the car with a friend to pick up what had been collected. In that moment, she was just a young girl, wanting to be treated as such, and expresing her thanks for what she received. Those moments are precious to me because they highlight the human bond we all share.

Name your top 3 favorite TV specials that frequent the airwaves during the holiday season.
1) How the Grinch Stole Christmas
2) The Santa Clause
3) Jim Hanson's river otter special (I don't know the title as it has not been shown in a while)

Sledding, snowball fight, snow angels or building a snowman?
All of it, especially for just the holiday season! Just the smell of the snow is so great.

Eggnog, hot chocolate, or hot cider?
Hot cider

Candy canes or fruit cake?
Candy Canes

Favorite holiday cookie:
Just sugar cookies, with candied fruits on them. That is what my mom used to make. Now I make some with chocolate drizzle too, but I don't bake a lot for the holidays since then you have to eat it all!

Now it's yours turn if you are so inclined!

Training

2005-11-17T22:40:00.000-08:00

Moon Rising over Morro Bay

Today I have begun the training of a new worker, and as usual it is sort of a drag. What makes it worse is that this chicks asks tons of weird questions and keeps going on about what her old job was like. The wierd questions are of the order of wondering how much I will micromanage her. That worries me as in should I micro manage you girl? At my agency, and I assume most agencies, since those I have worked at, even as a field worker, we pretty much do a lot on our own and when needed ask for supervision from others who are available. We have two hours of weekly supervision schedule and either myself of the "big boss" are there for any other questions, doubts, concerns, check in, etc. This woman is asking questions such as: "will you come to my meetings at least once a month?" and "How will you verify that I am fulfilling the hours I put on my timecard?" Now would that make you suspiscious, or am I just strange? Why would she ask that? She stated that her previous supervisor would require her to submit a schedule, and would call at any time to verify that she was where her schedule said that she was. Since we work primarily in the field, I assume all workers are out there doing their job. I am just naive? I'm sure from time to time folks may cut a corner, but I also know that due to the nature of our work, there are other times when we work extra, make that way extra because a family is in crisis and require extra attention. How about other social workers out there? Do you expect your managers to "spy" on you throughout the day? I have never experienced that.
She also would interrupt me with questions about deadlines and regulation rather than to let me get to my points. It just felt a little weird. I hope she works out, but right now, I have some doubt.

The funny thing was that in the interview, I did tell the "big boss" that in my guts, I felt that she was not the right candidate. My boss does not like to interview, so he tends to be eager to pick folks, and I did not have anything specific other than I just "felt" she was not the right candidate. Spanish Beauty (spin and HC, you know who I mean) always validates my gut feelings, as they have been more right than my brain many times! I hope my guts are wrong this time, because I just hate training! Well especially when it is not going well and taking much longer than it should because you get interrupted every two minutes to compare to what someone's previous job did! AAAGGGHHH!

Week in and week out and week-end!

2005-11-12T20:47:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the war veterans we get an extra long week-end that started yesterday. I am grateful for the day off, but I am unsure of what I think of the reason for the holiday. I somehow cannot think that being willing to go kill other folks, for whatever reason, is such a great thing. I always thought, simplistically, that if no one volunteered to go to war on any sides, then there would be no war. I know, how naive! But that is where my heart stands in the matter.

Here I am listening to the Duhks, my favorite group as I write. It has been a busy week-end so far. I started by going dancing with friends from work on Thursday night. We went to two bars, after a lavish sushi dinner. The first bar had some friends' boyfriends' band, and they were ok, but not great and we left for the ever popular Mother's Tavern who advertize their "live DJ" with great pride. How oximoronish can that term get? How far from live music is a DJ and would you want a dead DJ? I think not. Anyways, we had fun dancing at both venues. Straight and Narrow had forgoten is ID and Cutie Girl used her fresh stamp from the bouncer and "stamped" him. He was so worried he would get busted. We were all laughing. The music was funny because they had lots of Madonna and Prince. What a flashback! We had a good time. On the way home I saw the huge, reddish, setting moon, and tons of stars. The night sky was stunning.

Yesterday I had and oil change and while I waited for the car, spent a good deal of time composing a very short message in czech for my friend who lives there. I also wrote a letter to another friend the Artist, from Quebec. Then I did some shopping, but did not buy anything. At home, I printed a bunch of pictures to send to the Artist along with the letter. Later, the hubby and I went to Blue, a very nice bar to see "Kravitz" from our summer trip perform. They were very good. They had a bass, guitar, sax, voice, and drums. the place was full and other friends from the trip were there.

Today, I worked out, watched some tennis, wrote up captions on the photogradphs I am sending to the Artist. Then we went to see "Christmas in the Clouds," which is very sweet. Sort of a modern American Indian "Much Ado About Nothing." One of the secondary character and narrator is a local man, and he did a very good job. Graham Greene is very funny as the vegetarian chef.

Then tonight there is supposed to be a very good band in Los Osos with a Brazilian musician, which I might still go see.

Tomorrow I have some cleaning to do. God I hate cleaning! Who will invente a self-cleaning house? I'll gladly become their slave! (Well maybe not, because then they are sure to make me clean something!) I also would like to get my computer set up to have Itunes which is still not getting installed right.

Photo of the Duhks in action at the "Quack off" at Strawberry last September.

Mystic's Meme

2005-11-09T20:27:00.000-08:00

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Being able to travel all over the world whenever I want a break from work.
What is your greatest fear?
To become senile or somewhat incapacitated.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Envy.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Not really any, Don Quichote comes to mind, but he's not historical now, is he? (že?)
What is your greatest extravagance?
Buying closes that I can't really afford.
What is your favourite journey?
All the trial and errors of my life.
What do you like most about your appearance?
I guess my hair, although at times, I hate it most too!
Which living person do you most despise??
the prez, of course! (samozřejmě!)
What is your greatest regret?
Not going back to school earlier on, but then my journey would be different, and I would miss all of the folks that are on my path.
When and where are you happiest?
In the company of my friends, in good discussion, enjoying life.
What is your current state of mind?
Positive.
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
Being more assertive.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Raising the "Kid!"
What is your most treasured possession?
Ditto!
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Hatred and selfishness.
Where would you like to live?
Many places, Pacific Island (particularly Fiji), Europe (Czech Republik or Switzerland), Quebec, Portugal, Brazil, Australia, Africa, and many other places.
What is your most marked characteristic?
Ability to learn languages, desire to reach out to other human beings. (that is sort of tied in together, I guess).
What is the quality you most like in a man?
Kindness.
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Assertiveness.
Who are your favourite writers?
Jacques Prevert, Marge Piercy, Octavia Buttler (thanks Spins!), John Irving, Amelie Nothomb, Isabelle Allende, et j'en passe, et j'en passe.(more, and more)
Who are your heroes in real life??
I always hate that question, I was at a training last week where we were asked to share that with other folks. I guess my mom, my daughter, my brother, myself.
What is your motto?
We all live under the same sun. (Don't anyone steal it for a book title, I have witnesses!)

Test week

2005-11-08T20:23:00.000-08:00

This week, oh joy, I have a pulmonary test. That means that on Thursday, I get to blow in a little tube that will tell me that I am at 20% or so of what should be expected for my age, lungwise. Yeah! On top of it, it means that I cannot use my meds for a couple of days, which always scares me. I am feeling fine right now and on my home test, I fared better than I normally do. ???? So, do I really need all the meds my doc think I do? Well, I do know that if I was to try and exercise, I would not feel so great right now. I will see by thursday what is up and how well I breathe, since it takes a few days for all of the meds to clear our system.

I am also anxious to hear the result of the California elections tonight. I'm surprised that none of the channels are giving any info at this time. I will see if I can find something online. On the bright side, Bush made a fool of himself in south america. That is always refreshing to see that others in the world align with my viewpoint.

I have been working a lot today as one of my co-worker is ill. She is at home and sounds aweful. So I get to sub for her on all of her meetings with families. Double the work for me! And to top it off, Dept of social services will be eliminating their unit that is our sister unit. That means that instead of always dealing with the same folks, we will have a bunch of folks, who for the most part, do not believe in families living together, and come from a one-up view of the clients we serve. By this I mean that they see themselves as more knowledgeable than clients and are very reluctant to let client be partners, which is the focus of my program. I am such a feminist theorist, it is not even funny. But many of the folks we will now interface with come from a very punitive standpoint, and I fear that our program will go to hell in a hand basket. One of the partners that has been wonderful is so upset. Her job is basically on the hocks (sp?) and she is very worried as she does not want to be just another line worker. It's a lot of politic-ing, and I hope the folks we serve do not have to suffer too much.

This seems to be a theme for me. That of equality. I have difficulties with hierarchy, and this new change definitely stems from one. Also at my own agency, there definitely is more signs of this, and I always have problems with it. There is also a lot of hegemony, as the big boss has three sons, all of which have worked for us at one point or another. I'm sure my kid would get hired anytime, but I'm not sure she would want it. Some folks have been very dissatisfied and I hope we can regain some momentum soon. Overall we have a great crew, many of whom I count as friends, even after they have left the joint.

I guess I'll surf for a while and then read and study some Czech while soaking my feet (that is my little treat to myself, feels so good) and then go to bed.

Long time

2005-11-05T21:17:00.000-08:00

It feels like I have not blogged forever, and I'm not even doing Nanowrimo! I don't know how those guys do it! I found it enticing to try and sign up for it, but I just don't know how I could write that much. Although I find myself writing in my head whenever I drive somewhere. I have done that for as long as I can remember. One of these times, I'll have to put some of it down on paper. Or I was thinking that I could carry a tape recorder and transcribe it later because when I try to remember it, it just does not work.

I've had a busy and great week. I spent two days in dismal Fresno, CA at a multicultural summit. That was great. Not the town, but the conference. They had a huge focus on the Hmong culture as there are many in that region who emigrated at the end of the Vietnam war era. We also heard Victor Villasenor speak as a Keynote and he was great, very passionate. He wrote "Rain of Gold" a very touching and truthful account of the lives of mexican emigrants in the US. Then I had a chance to talk with the big mucky-mucks of changes at the state level who are trying to bring patient's rights to the forefront as spelled out by prop 63 which passed last year. It was great. There are some wonderful folks working on that. There were many mental health consumers in attendance and they bring a lot to the discussion, especially in reminding the presenters to be less linear and more openminded. It is very refreshing. I think the co-worker that came with me really enjoyed it.

I also went to dinner with a woman I met this summer during our European adventure. It was great to see her and catch up. She is a teacher and has a son about the Kid's age. So it was fun. Then the two and a half hour drive home, but good music made it work out.

Last night I went to three shows! First, there was a concert at the theather the Hubby runs. The local jazz singers, who still need a little work, and then this amazing group from LA called M-Pact. They are six acapella singers who are out of this world. It was very hard to sit still to the great music that they were making. One of them made sounds so amazing you would have thought that there was a full drum set on stage, a flute, someone spinning LPs, and all kind of instruments. Another guy went completely Soprano, and then would go way down in Bass range. They were amazing.

After that I went out with some friends as the Spin Doctor was bringing a group to the area. It was some techno funk something that was tolerable. "Push button music" one of the girls we were with dubbed it. Then the club had dancers in skimpy clothes get up on this box with a column in the middle, doing some pole dancing. That is when we took our cue to leave. One of the young women I was with was really offended. So we went to this other pub "the Frog and Peach" (I kid you not, it is the name of the place) who had a great Raggae band and we dance for a good while. I saw lots of folks I know and overall we all had a good time. Unfortunately, my friend the Drummer was severely intoxicated and became very interested in one of the young woman I was with. I think he freaked her out a little as he started to follow her around too much. He is a nice guy and usually he has a retinue of women as he is somewhat of a celebrity in our area as a well-known musician. That was a side of him I had not seen yet and wish I still had not seen. There was also a other guy who was trying to cop a feel to the same girl, but we all took turns to send him on his way. Then some of the singers from the Euro group came in and it was good to see them out here. They are such a nice group. One of them was very surprized to hear that I saw his mom on the previous night. I also had some guy pursuing me and dancing with me that made me think, boy you must be desperate if at 20 something, you need the FIFTY year old chick in the joint! I just did not expect that. I have had other young men dance with me when I go out, but this guy was more persistant and more touchy-feely and it was a little wierd. Of course, I also dance wildly with guys I know, and that is always fun.

Also this week, I received an e-mail from my friend in Czech Republik. I was very happy to see that, as I worried we would lose touch. It was a while since his last e-mail. That was a nice boost to my week as that guy is just very sweet, and I would very much like to count him as a friend. I like having folks throughout the world to I keep in touch with. That sort of brings me back full circle with the begining of this post about multiculturalism. I think that if we all had more friends throughout the world, we would take a lot more time before accepting prejudice and starting wars of any kind. That is one plan of Jacques Cousteau that I wish had seen the light of day. He wanted to start a program where children would be sent to other parts of the world for several years, a massive exchange student program. Wouldn't we learn to love one another then? I don't know why this is such a hard lesson for mankind to learn. My concept of spirituallity is that once we have learn all there is for us to learn in one life, we die. So I guess once humanity learns that one, it will be time for an ice age, or solar wind to start a new specie and get this one off the planet. The dinosaur must have learned all that they could and then became extinct!! ;)

Peace march, San Luis Obispo, March 2002.

Thursday night

2005-10-27T22:36:00.000-07:00

I was glad to see the comment from Mystic about Tintin which inspired tonight's post. I just love comic books. I grew up reading a host of different ones and still love to purchase and read them to relax.

From the time I was about three, I would look at the Tintin albums of my brothers, mys sis was not that interested in them, and look at the pictures and tell myself my own story about what the pictures might mean. Also since my sibs would read them to me, I had a good idea of what was going on anyway, but sometimes I would deviate from that storyline and make my own. Those were precious moments to me, particularly because Tintin went all over the world and met with folks from all kinds of lands. I just fantasized about going there. It was great.

Since then, I have diversified my interest to include several other authors, and this summer while in Switzerland, I purchased four new albums. When I lived in Berkeley, I would visit the one store on University (I forget their name) that carries a lot of my old time favorites. And everytime I go home to Montreal, I am sure to pick up a few. Among my favorites authors or series are: of course Asterix, Le genie des Alpages (about a flock of sheep in the alps) the Daltons, Achile Talon, anything by Gotlieb, Rubrique-a-brac, Fluide Glacial, Cellulite, Philemon and Gaston La Gaffe (Goofy Gaston). There are many more, but these are some of the best. If you need to relax and get some good laugh, I recommend any of them. And this summer, at the library where I made some purchases, the kind woman who helped me recommended the "cat" serie. I really love it too. The recurring gag is that of the old proverb of "if you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day; but if you teach him how to fish, he can eat his whole life." One of the variant they offer is: "If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day, but if you give him the picture of a fish, he can look at it all of his life!"

Another part of the Tintin legacy, or maybe it is just the product of growing up in a fairly diverse environment, is that I love to learn languages. English is a second language to me, as I grew up speaking french. Then I lived in Portugal for a year and became quite fluent, and here I have acquired a good grasp of Spanish, although I am not fluent yet. Now I am learning Czech, just because it is very intriguing and different. I see how far I get with that. Hopefully it keeps my brain working, and my energy occupied.

We had the accreditors at work today and it seemed to go fairly well.

I close with a picture that I took in New Zealand last January. One of Spinsterwitch's picture on her post reminded me of it. Blow it up full size for the full effect, it was the breathtaking view from our hotel balcony.

Birthday Presents

2005-10-25T21:34:00.000-07:00

Since I have no idea of what to post, I thought I would write up a list of present I got for my birthday. I thought about doing that a while ago, but now seems just right.

A lovely painting from Spin
A hippy scarf from Hippy Chick
A pouch of make up and tea to cure the hangover resulting from the party from Boobsy
A bowl, silly fuzzy flowers, and a magnet of a friend's painting from Glamorous
A lava lamp from the Sailor Chick
A planter with Ivy from neighbors to the right
A bottle of wine from neighbors to the left
A painting from Belgian Artist
A small sequined shoe from the Author
Two books "Unbelievably good deals and great adventures that you absolutely can't get unless you're over 50" and "Ageless body, timeless mind" from the Army Brats
A pottery candle holder from the Balerina's family
A bottle of Hendricks Gin from the Martiny buddies
A bracelet, two tablets of Dark chocolate, and a little box from Hippy at Heart
Several Tintin books from the Best Friend
A handmade beaded necklace from the TieDie Queen
A bottle of Bailey and one of Kalua from the Sound Man
A bottle of Chandon Champagne from the Librarian and his Wife
A bottle of Heredad Segura Vieda Champagne from "the Girls"
A shot glass, and a jewelry box from the Hubby
A bag of tricks with balloons, Horns and a Shoot a boss game from the Kid
A handmade necklace from the Sis
A roaster and meat forks from the Gals at Work!

Woah! I think that's it. Overwhelming Hey! I don't remember being so spoiled for my birthday! I guess it pays to get old.

Well at work we have accreditation on thursday and everyone is freaking out as we have countless numbers of files to update. I guess some folks are starting to crack from the stress, including the big boss who apparently became unglued at someone today. Luckily I was out at the time. I have low tolerance for that kind of behavior. Especially when the folks doing it do not believe they should appologize for their outbursts. Anyway I hope nothing nasty comes of it as the person who received the invectivation is not someone who I picture tolerating it quietly. I will let you know I anything develops from it.

Grey Day

2005-10-23T15:45:00.000-07:00

Today is a grey day in Morro Bay. For more than one reason. The sky is certainly donning this color, but also we had a memorial for a friend who passed away a few weeks ago. The celebration was very nice though as he was someone who loved life and celebrated it with gusto. He was wheelchair bound most of his life, but that did not stop him. He wrestled with addictions as well, and I know that it shortened his days; however, he enjoyed it all. Folks had many stories of him and of all the kids that surrounded him and it was nice to see some of those that we had not seen for a long time. One young man that I have known since he was about four was very shaken by our friend's death as he used to live across the street from him and visited daily. It was great to see the impact that this man had on all of us over the years, even though I had not seen him as much lately.

I stayed in bed a long time, a result of staying up watching DVDs too late. Funny how that goes, at night I think that I'm getting more of my day, but in the morning, I lose a lot of it by recuperating! Also, I am on-call for my agency this week-end, and that always disrupts me. Not so much that I am getting lots of call, I'm not so far, but just the expectation that I could have to spring to action at any moment. I don't do so well with that. That is one thing that scares me from private practice, is that there is no-one else to cover for you, and depending of your clientele, you could be called at any time. I guess you can still work as a team in private practice.

The other part that is grey today is the ocean. There must have been a strong storm out at sea as the waves are enormous and crashing over the breakwater. I could not resist and went to see close by. After battling the hundreds of tourists that were gathered close to the rock, I made my way up a small path (along with about 50 others) to get a good view of the waves as they gather up their strenght and explode on the rocks. It was breathtaking. I watched for a half hour, mesmerized by the force of the water as it very slowly gathers up in large pointy crests and then unleashes on the shore. The whole coast could be seen as white and "ecumous." (I combine a french word here as "foamy" just does not do it.) What a spectacle. The sound also was beautiful. The low, rumbling roar that you can feel climb up through your feet, and that would alert any creature of the sheer force it packs. Of course, humans take no heed to this and walk very close to the edge of the water, where moments before a huge wave splattered. There are multitudes of signs allerting them, but they want to see. I can't blame them, I want to see to. I am just chicken? Or is it all of the accounts of folks who have been killed doing just that? Some of both I supposed. Of course, I did not have my camera to bring you this performance. I have to train myself to bring it as I seem to find picture worthy moments almost daily.

I almost forgot. When I left the house to go to the memorial, a large jack rabbit was in my yard. He was facing the orange cat Rosco, but they had not started a fight yet. No doubt the rabbit would have won as he was quite large, with ears 10 to 12 inches long, light colored in the middle, and dark on top. He ran away at full speed and the cat did the same. I took it as a good "augure," something positive is in store for me in the near future. Why not?!

Great Party, and now I feel Ghetto!

2005-10-18T21:24:00.000-07:00

It was so fantastic to have everyone at the house last Saturday. I felt truly spoiled to have so many folks show up, and some from so far away. As you can see from some of the pics, there were folks from all ages and all seemed to be having a good time. We ate, drank, listened to music, talked and laughed and it was wonderful. It just amazed me to see everyone there.

Now I feel truly "Ghetto" as I have a cooler full of beers leftover from the party sitting in my kitchen as I have no storage, and I have nowhere to put them until they get consumed! Humm, maybe I need another party? I am still recovering from the last one, though!

On Sunday we went to a party for a 6 year old who was very cute and funny. I got a book for her and as the group of kids were looking at it they would exclaim OOHs! and HAAs! at each pictures. It was a big hit; it is a book of the sargasso sea and has drawings of the sea life within the kelp. The artwork is amazing. Another gift that was a big hit was that of my friend the Tie-die Queen. She is a big yard sale buyer and she found for $30 a full therapy play house including all of the furnishing and a white family. It is a great find and the kids played with it right away for a while. I already put in the request that when the little birthday girl is done with it I would like to purchase it for my office! Those things are worth so much now. Unfortunately, I am not the patient one for yard sales, and when I go, I get stuff that I have nowhere to put and end up donating at goodwill or achievement house, a local non-profit that employs adults with disabilities.

Last night the Hubby and I went to see Wallace and Gromit, the curse of the Whererabbit. That was great fun. I loved the little bunnies throughout the film and laughed at all of the corny jokes. So finally today I have a little time to blog and catch you up with some of the latest. Works continue to be a struggle as one of my team members is looking to move on in a month and is now very negative and refusing to do some of the assigned work which just mean that it leaves more work for all the others. It saddens me that she is choosing to end her time with us in that manner, I really enjoyed having her as a co-worker, but now I am frustrated with how she is conducting herself. We also have a new client who has been hospitalized three times this week, and the hospital wanted to release her today, rather than planning for what needs to happen. It was very stressful as all agencies involved did not want to cooperate and were trying to shift the responsibility to each others. That job can be so stressful sometimes, the best thing that we have is that we can support each other well when these things happen.

AAARRRGGGHHH!

2005-10-14T22:44:00.000-07:00

So last summer I finally broke down and bought an Ipod. I love the device and have listened to it several hours a day at work and home. It's great. HOWEVER! I am having a problem with my computer not accepting I Tune. I have tried to clean it, reinstall, uninstall, reboot, etc., etc., etc. Nothing is letting it work. The last thing I have to do is to reinstall all of my system, plus reinstall service pack 2 through a serie of downloads that took about 4 hours the first time around. Not looking forward to wasting another day on this. I am so frustrated. And last night, the computer erased all of the music that I had stored on the pod, I thought I had a breakthrough, but nooooo, same old shit! AAARRRGGHHH!

Oh well, on a good note, I have this mondo party tomorrow night and went to get tons of food and libation in preparation for the event. I will make a veggie lasagna, a spicy cornbread, a huge salad, chips and dips, crakers and cheeses; the Hubby will bar-b-que some chicken, shrimps and sausages; and the Kid will make a grilled veggies salad. The guest should also bring stuff and I know some bread and cakes are coming. Other than that it will be pretty open. I bought a bottle of Patron tequilla, a large bottle of Saphire Bombay Gin, that will make some of my friends who always laugh at the "little" (normal size) bottles I usually buy, some wine and beer. If there is alcohol leftover, I know it won't go to waste with the holidays coming up, and we can always freeze leftover food, if there is any. It should be a lot of fun!

For the music we will have to rely on the Kid's ipod, as mine is now cleaned out, unless some guests want to venture in our CD collection. It should be lots of fun!
Spin and HippyChick should be coming down, as well ShotGun from our euro trip, folks from work and the Hubby's work and ouf!, lots of folks, kids, it'll be great.

Last night of my fourth decade!

2005-10-10T23:24:00.000-07:00

Me (the baby), my sister and brother.

Tonight is the last night of my fourth decade in this world and I feel a little bluesy. It is a feeling that has pursued me of late and I am unsure what to make of it.

I had a very fun week-end at HippyChick's party with the Kid on Saturday, and shopping on Sunday. I bought a new entertainment center for the house and we spent many hours last night, till two AM, and many more today to put it together and for the hubby to plug all the electronics back together. It looks good. I also spent a lot of time organizing our CD collections. We get a ton of Jazz CD because the Hubby is also a DJ for a local Public Station and is given tons of CDs that the station does not want anymore or has in double. Many of what we have we never even heard, so it was quite the project, but I am glad I did it. I wanted to organize these for a long time. It also makes me realize that outside of Jazz, we don't have much! I guess I need to download more or go back to the music store.

We went to dinner to this very chick restaurant here in town. It was very nice. I had duck and the Hubby had a bouillabaise. It was much nicer than I expected and not as expensive. We had a salad that was exquisite with pecans and pomegrenates, mmm, good. Then after fulfilling my obligation to a professional organization, I write a small blurb for our local unit in the state's newspaper, I went for a walk in the neighborhood. It was lovely. I only saw one car. Everything was quiet. I could ear the roar of the ocean, the mournful cry of the fog horn, and enjoy the start and the half moon, smiling at me. I saw the Pleiades, Cassiopea, and what I believe to be Mars, very close to the Pleiades. Any astronomers out there who care to rectify my potential faux-pas? The moon, as it is getting ready to set, becomes very red these days as there are many fires in southern california. Last night as we were driving back home, we saw it turn a pinkinsh red as it sank in the fog bank. It was beautiful.

Well the reason that I have felt very bluesy these days is that I have not heard from a friend I made during my trip this summer. I have friends in many parts of the world and I even though we do not meet often, we keep in contact through mail and e-mail. I am sad that what I thought would be another good friendship may turn out not to be so. I love people, and I love getting to know new folks and deepenning friendships over the years, even when folks are far away. So I have been dissapointed at this turn of event. Maybe I should just be content with the fun times that we shared. After all they were very worthwhile, filled with good time, sharing of each of our human experiences and dreams. That in itself is worth a lot.

Oh yeah, almost forgot, I spoke to the Sister tonight. She is still so wrapped up in her anger at her husband. We almost had a conversation without him being mentioned, but then I did receive my dose of how he slighted her, and how much money he has and how that was supposed to be her money, etc, etc,etc. Five years of that! AAGGHH! At least, we had half of a decent conversation. She has moved to the country and really enjoys that new home, her neighbors and all of that. So that is good. I think she is recovering, slowly! Maybe I will get my actual sister sometime in the future.

Twelve more minutes 'till I'm fifty, Fifty Years Old! Better get ready to Kick, Stretch, and KICK!

Music

2005-10-06T21:43:00.000-07:00

Violoncello, Eisenstad, Austria.

As I was driving to my client today, I was listening to "Cold Heat" a compilation of funk music that is fantastic that was given to me by the Spin Doctor. By the way he is now a daddy and I venture to say a proud one! Anyway, as I drove up to my out of the way client's home, I was thinking how there is so much music in this world that we should have a thousand ears to be able to hear at least some of each style that is out there in the world.

Right now I am listening to the soundtrack of "Garden State" which I just got earlier this week. I like it quite a bit. I also want to make a copy of the Ry Cooder CD "Chavez Ravine" which is also excellent.

Lately, I have been feeling lonely, even though my job and my life include many folks. It is an inner feeling and I am unsure what it is all about truly. It reminds me of the line of a very old favorite song from a singer from Quebec "solitaire dans la foule come en foret" which means: alone in a crowd like in a forest. Maybe it's fall, maybe it's age, maybe it's the routine of life that weighs on me every now and then, maybe it is goals accomplished and the need for a new one. Maybe it is frustration from my coupled life that accumulates with the years and do not always get resolved to my liking. I think of Spinsterwitch post of yesterday and question on love. I guess love has so many different facets, it is so hard to define, let alone live with, or express in daily life. I think of all of the friends that I have scattered throughout the world, some of which I am in close contact regularly thanks to e-mail, others who have fallen by the wayside and that I have no hope of getting close to again despite the road of life that we shared for sometimes. I think also of all of the friends that I have turned away from, for whatever reason, and what has become of them? Some I know have died, and some I could not find even if I went looking. It leaves me confused, and blue-sy on this Thursday night. Oh well tomorrow is another day, and the week-end, a three day one for me, promises to be fun with a trip to see some great friends with the Kid in tow. A break in the routine, I always love that!

Sorry to be so down tonight, but got to write what is there in my head and heart.

I have been tagged!

2005-10-04T20:56:00.000-07:00

Hippy Chick tagged me, so there goes! (Or is that a meme?) Sorry not too savvy on the blog terminology.

1) What's your favorite color of nail polish?
I guess the clear irridescent kind if I'm wearing it. On some other folks, I like dark colors, deep reds or purples or even blues and black.

2) What's your favorite place to kiss someone else besides the lips (on your face)?
Cheeks and nose.

3) What's your favorite place you like to be kissed, besides, etc etc?
Close to the ears, but I guess that is going away from the face.

4) What's your favorite pasta shape?
Angel Hair.

5) What big lie did you get away with when you were younger?
I can't remember any. My mom was way too good at reading right through me, as a result, I'm still a terrible lier.

6) What big lie have you been busted for?
Telling my mom (at the urging of a not so good friend) that my wallet was stolen when I actually lost it. I don't know what I thought would happen if I just told her I lost it?

7) Who are 3 famous people you'd love to date (if you are partnered, then answer as if you were single)?
#1 Viggo Mortensen, no hesitations or even thinking needed.
#2 Ewan Mc Gregor, Hot and smart!
#3 Ian Cummings, or Alan Rickman, but they are definitely on a lower priority than the first two.

8) Who would you most like to smack for being an ass?
The Pres of course, there is no more ass than that.

9) What are 3 states you'd most like to try living in for a couple of months?
Upstate New York, Washington state, (even though I know it rains way too much for me, but the cultural aspect is definitely up and coming) Florida, just for the tropical climate, the rest pretty much sucks the disneyitis and corrupt legislature (read Carl Hiassen).
1o) What is one thing about me that you don't know that you are (even mildly) curious about?
Did you ever dive in a mosh pit and how did it feel?

Shocking news!

2005-09-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

Salsburg Castle in the morning fog.

I think I mentioned in the past that I work for a christian organization. I was checking some blogs at lunch, something I do from time to time. Recently, because a lot of the younger folks have been logging on to My space, it has been made unavailable from our company network to increase productivity and ensure folks don't spend too much time online in unbusiness related activities. That is fine to a point. I can blog at home just as well. However, it does feel kinda bigbrotherish to have some sites blocked. Well, I was even more surprised to find out that for some reason, Charby's blog also bring up the censured signal even though it is on blogspot. At this time, I have not ferreted out why that might be. Just one more big business part of my work which, while I love the work, and mostly like the agency for some of its ideals and how we have supported families in the last five years, I have questionned why I am there more and more. Particularly since some of my very good friends that have been part of the building of many programs no longer are there and are trying to recruit me to their private practice. I like small agency work a lot, but our agency is getting very big and with that growth comes all kinds of extra regulations that I am not fond of. I guess I always was a rebel with a cause as it might be.

By the way, anyone out there realized that today is the aniversary of James Dean's death? That happened very close to where I live and here it is quite a big deal. Three full pages in the local newspaper!

The Mystic predicts the future again!

2005-09-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

As I came home after dark tonight, I did noticed the intensity of the stars in my central californian sky. Since the moon is no longer around, we can see the milky way and several constelations tonight. I love that I live in a small, serene town where such simple pleasures can be noticed on a daily basis. I must had that for the last several months, we saw no sky, due to an inordinate amount of foggy weather that has plagued my little town.

I had a meeting tonight where we saw a great presentation by a colleague of PTSD symptoms and treatment. Also, I was informed that if I would like to, I can participate in the process of norming the tests for licensing for $300 a day, all expenses paid, flight to Sacramento included! I might just check it out.

I hope all have had an opportunity to check our gobernator being sold on e-bay. Gracious contribution from HippyChick! arnold I loved it. Why am I not surprised though that all of these medical companies are so eager to sustain profits. Healthcare in this country is such big business. At the meeting tonight, some of the older folks stated that they remember the days when doctors performed home visits. I remember that too. All chimed in that I remember because I am from another country, that here it has not happened in quite a long time. The last home visit I remember was when I was about 6 and my mother was sidelined by an intense asthma attack. Maybe I remember that one because I was quite frightened that my mother was in bed and not able to care for all of us as that was seriously abnormal in our household. She was, as for most families in those days the glue that held the house together. Although, I guess, despite all of the societal changes, despite taking on more and more responsibilities outside the home, I believe that for many families that remains true.

Again great show by Jon Stewart who pointed out the continued contradictions of the administration and what immense difficulties the prez had to speak the word "conservation," let alone follow up on this new policy. Stewart was quick to find a clip where the press secretary in the first year of baby Bush's presidency stating that the way americans consume energy is just our way of life and we should not have to sign any treaty that would limit our consumption in any way. Of course, it did not hurt that the guest was Viggo Mortensen, an all time favorite of mine, who managed to be funny. However, I was dissapointed that the subject of politics was not discussed as I know he is a very dedicated activist who republishes several excellent articles of dissatisfaction with the administration on his website, PercevalPress and is involved in several causes.

Mish-Mosh

2005-09-26T20:50:00.000-07:00

Yes, picking a title seems to be a weakness of mine!

I want to start tonight by stating that I came home to witness one of the most spectacular sunsets I have seen in a while. As I pulled up to my house the sun was setting at the end of my street, the sky was completely orange and the ocean was shimering in the fading light. Beautiful! Then the sun went down behind a pillowy bluish fog and until it was a sliver and then dissapeared. That is when I remember why I live here and not in other places despite all that attracts me in other lands and cities.

Then I received in the mail an early birthday gift from my brother. He sent me a lovely guide to Prague in French (that is my original language). All the pictures and stories brought back memories from this summer and my longing for that charming city. I will return there for sure.

Then I watched one of my favorite shows on the tube "Arrested Development." I find it hilarious. It's about a family of scammers and misfits who somehow manage to be quite wealthy. The father is accused of conspiring with Saddam Hussein, cut to a picture of him shaking hands with Saddam incriminating him. The father states that a photo like that can ruin a man's career. Then the camera cuts to another picture of Rumsfeld shaking hands with Hussein and the narrator comments: "or not." I loved it!

A recap from work today. I am on-call and another worker is just really wierd. Well that's nothing new. What is wierd is that tonight she was in contact with a client, and made arrangements to have some support in the home for the family, but then called me back saying that she could not call the family and needed me to relay some messages back and forth. She said her phone was out of juice, but she still received my messages. I don't know what was going on there and the client's story did not match what the other worker story. This is a person who has huge problems talking to others and will usually leave a text message rather than call folks directly. Yes good communications are us! How can you want to be in this line of work if you cannot communicate!!! Oh well, it all got resolved in the end and I spent a while talking to the client and reassuring her, since she was on the frantic side with a situation. I have no problem talking with clients and hearing their side and bringing them back to the reality of what can be done at the moment. That is a lot of what the on-call work consist of, and I find that I am pretty good at that.

Sharon Jones

2005-09-23T22:19:00.000-07:00

I realize I never posted my comment on her performance. In a nutshell, she is a genius! Her performance was out of this world. That woman exhudes energy like you would not believe. She had a drummer with a very minimalist drum set (a snair, a bass, a cymbal and a high hat), a bass player, a guitar, a tenor sax, and alto sax and a trumpet. Did they rock. She is a very small woman, about two inches shorter than me as she wore three-inch heels, and can move and holler like nobody's business. She brought folks on stage to dance with her several time during the show. The band was so tight, she would tap her foot every now and again when she got bored with a tempo and they would just speed right up with her, or slow down to whatever she wanted. The Hubby danced like I've never seen him; he got all drenched. We had a blast. At the end of the show, she came of stage and I went to tell her how great she was. As I approached she gave me a great big hug and planted a huge kiss on me! What a gal! That was a good time. Again, lots of locals were in attendance and all seem very happy to be there.

Tonight I had sushi with the Kid, who is doing ok and as usual as a lot to do. The Hubby will be busy all week-end with a classical guitar festival. I may try to catch some of the shows, but I might also take it pretty easy.

Must be sisters' day

2005-09-21T22:26:00.000-07:00

For fault of a better title.

I had planned to write this even before I read Spinsterwitch's post of today. I have been busying myself planning for my upcoming birthday party. I have mentioned that I am turning fifty and it is only fitting that I should design an invitation using the Saturday Night Live character "Sally O'Mally," a dancer, who at the age of fifty can still "Kick, stretch and kick!" Of course I put my face instead of Molly Shannon in the invite, using a little of my computer savvy. As I looked at appropriately goofy pictures of myself taken in the recent past, I was shocked to find out how much I look like my sister. It's not the age thing that was shocking, after all she still looks younger than I do, mostly because she works at it frantically, using a lot of products in the process. Me, I can't be bothered with make up, it's all I can do to get dressed in the morning, make up is just too much maintenance for me. The shocking part I guess is that it makes me wonder what other ways do I resemble her? Do I always tell others what they should do? (I am a social worker and therapist) Do I usually cover with bravado my insecurities? Do I most of the time reject information brought up by others because I just don't want to spend the emotional energy to face something uncomfortable? And I guess that yes, to a point, I am like that. I guess I need to find out for myself if some of these traits are necessarily undesirable, and if so I have some work to do.

It's not that I think that my sis is a bad person, but just that some of her traits have rubbed me the wrong way over the years. Maybe because I see these same traits in myself and fight them. Maybe not. Many of the choices she made in her life I would not have. Finding a whealthy man to marry (who later left her for a younger woman) wanting so much to be a part of his family who live the life of a soap opera, wearing their gold jewelry and badmouthing one another. I never understood her desire to be part of that world. I'm sure she cannot understand my choices, living in a quiet town, enjoying simple pleasures, wearing jeans and t-shirts and not caring much what I look like as long as I am comfy. Gilda Radner said: "I base my sense of fashion on what does not itch." A quote to live by.

Overall, we do share an OK relationship. We talk on the phone periodically, we are pleasant to each other. But the conversation are superficial, and I want substance. It saddens me that we cannot share that. She usually tells me "Can you afford that?" and "This is not the life I wanted" meaning her divorce, not being in her old house, not having as much money, not having friends who all are at the same stage she is in life, and having to do things by herself. Me, I love to do things by myself, I love the diversity of my friends, some have adult children, some have babies, some are in their twenties, some are in their seventies. Oh well, I guess we are different and the same, and I should find some peace with that. I am thankful that we do communicate, even if it is not that often.

Must be thinking of sisters' day

The Night

2005-09-18T00:04:00.000-07:00

I visited with some friends tonight in the north part of the county and was treated to a great night on my drive back home. The moon is clear and full and the road was illuminated by it. It was lovely. Then I took some time to go to the beach and check things out. I don't do this often enough given that it is so close by. The surf was all bright and white, lit up by the moon and the waves in the harbour had that scintillating quality that made it almost magical. The tide is at its highest and there still are huge waves out at sea from the weather earlier this week. The local surfers have said that it was the best surf in years. It felt good to see our large rock under the moon, without anyone else around. Usually there are loads of people around on our little beach and having it all to my self was great. I could not stay as long as I would have liked because it was actually pretty cold.

Tomorrow I go to one of the Spin Doctor's night. We have Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings. It should be a great show, very funky. I can't wait. Maybe we'll go see another friend play in the afternoon too, and go to dinner. That should make it a busy day.

Today I worked out a lot this morning and cleaned the house, surfed the web a bit and then went to my friend. I tried to go to a couple of stores but they were all closed by 5. The joy of the small town. I love it, but sometimes not so much!

I'll give you a report on Sharon after the show.

Birthdays

2005-09-15T21:54:00.000-07:00

Well, I do feel better than I did yesterday. Not so mopy anyway. We also celebrated the Hubby's birthday by going to a local restaurant that is a mix of California Cuisine and Tappas. It is very good. A little too much wine though. But the Hubby appreciated that and the Kid drove us home as she is always more reserved when it comes to wine. She likes the hard stuff. I do too, but in small quantities.

I also decided on some new goals, maybe that is why I am no longer moping to the same level as I was yesterday. I will take some music lessons. Either voice or cello or both. That should keep me focused for some time.

We should get some new workers at the Agency which will allow me to cut back to 4 days a week. Then I can also start writing more and do other stuff that I have wanted to do for some time.

Inspiring pic: Midieval toilets! Chillon, Switzerland

Glorious Moon

2005-09-14T22:21:00.000-07:00

Has anyone else noticed the beauty of the moon tonight? If not I suggest you get out there and have a look.

Today has been such a blah day. After the happyness of getting my goal reached (passing my licensing test) I now find myself letdown since I have nothing to work toward at this point. For the past five years, with varying degrees of intensity, I had that goal in mind. Now, I need to find a new goal, and I am unsure of what that would be. I have an aversion to routine I guess and lacking a challenge, a direction sorta leaves me wanting. How silly, I just reached a major goal and already I am dissatisfied. What a fickle heart I have! Maybe it is just the change of season, the shortening of the days, and the lack of sleep that leaves me this shade of blue. I hope I get over it. Or find what is missing, what wound to lick. It is the uneasyness of uncertainty that is less bearable. Or maybe it is the fear of finding what makes me uneasy that brings me down.

Woohoo! I made it!

2005-09-12T22:21:00.000-07:00

Amazingly enough, I drove up late yesterday afternoon and spent the night in a hotel as the last effort to get ready for my test this morning. I studied for a couple of hours and then went to bed. This morning I got up exercised in the hotel small fitness room and took off for my test. I could not believe it. The test actually felt easy! I thought I would have a lot of trouble finding the right answer as all of the practice questions I used were very challenging. But low and behold (I'm not sure if it's the right spelling)I actually knew the answers! I guess close to a year of practicing vignette with my good friend paid off. I had 18 of 30 questions done in 30 minutes. Then the last two segment of the test were a little tougher, but when I went back to check the answers I had picked on them, I was very sure my choices were the right ones. So here you have it. I am now officially licensed to practice in the state of California. The scary part is that I feel no more confident or certain of anything, other than I am good at taking tests! Ha Ha! Which confirms my suspicion that the test is not the best, but an attempt at making sure that folks in this field know something. Although I know of very good clinicians who have not passed after several attempts and of terrible clinicians who have passed on their first try. So, I beg the question: "I am one of the latest?" And while I recognize that I have some skill, and a decent amount of intelligence, and a good dose of common sense, I still wonder if all of those qualities are obvious to the rest of the world. At least I believe it is true to those who are my friends out there. Thanks for all the encouragement and support to all who offered it. It felt great (and continues to do so!)

Strawberry!

2005-09-06T22:13:00.000-07:00

What to say but how much fun we had. With one exception is that the Hubby had a little (make that a way lot) to drink one night and was feeling quite poorly the next day!

We started by driving to Yosemite, a 6-7 hour ride from our home at 2 in the morning, after the Hubby's radio show and it was beautiful. We saw a sliver of the moon rise up over Orion, and witnessed a glorious sunrise as we reached the mountains. What a great way to start our journey. We met our friends at the old campsite, and saw many other friends from our area who were also arriving. Throughout the event, the sky was cribbled with stars, and the milky way rended the ink black above with its lovely sinewy tail. Several shooting stars went by leaving me with many wishes to make! All of this to the incredible sounds of many fabulous artists. My favorites were definitely Bela Fleck, Stanley Clark and Jean-Luc Ponty playing together, and the Duhks. But Greg Brown, Devil Makes Three, Steve Earle, Brian Joseph, Paul Thorn and more and more, certainly contributed to a great week-end. Add to that the company of some dear friends, good food, some libations of all kinds, a killer (almost literaly) bike ride trying to follow my friend who is in a much better shape than I am, swims in the lake, hot and sunny days (yes, there is some color on my skin! Amazing! Those who have not seen me, I usually am "pale blue"), lime popsickle dipped in chocolate, two amazing kids to hang out with, a hammock to while away the time that is not filled with other activities and which gives you a chance to recuperate a bit.

Wow such fun!

Now I will take a break from blogging for the coming week as I prepare for a big test next Monday morning. I will let you know then if it is unfeathered joy at being done, or utter sadness at having to do it all over again in six months!

Off to Strawberry!

2005-08-31T22:55:00.000-07:00

We leave tonight to get to the festival early in the morning and set up a good camp. We will meet some friends there and engage in mass consumptions of alcoholic beverage, various delectable food and of course let our senses be filled with musics from all kinds. I cannot wait to be embraced by the athmosphere of the festival. I see folks from this area and regulars who return each years. Jam sessions everywhere, all night long, laughter and singing, all in the amazing setting of the redwood forest and a great meadow that smells of grass. I hope it is hot, as I have been envelopped by a blanket of fog for the last month. I long for a good sweat! I have packed my sunscreen and the hubby's large brim hat should it be needed. I am ready.

I will return next Monday, so Mr.Mystic, I'll check your answer to my question then.

I wish you all carefree labor day week-ends!

Musings

2005-08-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

Went dancing Friday night it was the last concert in the plaza for this summer. The band was very good and it was packed! Ran into lots of friends as is usually the case at those concert and expanded lots of energy to release the tension of the week. It was great. Also consumed my share of beers which is part of the tradition.

I always marvel at a crowd of dancers. It is not unlike the ocean at the beach. Our own movements slightly altered by the movements of others. The crowd parts to let a newcomer get intergrated. At times, I am surrounded by friends, next moment the crowd separates me from them. For a while I am with a group, then without. All the while being carried by the rhytm of the songs, the beat of the drum, the pulse of the bass, the charm of the voice. Simply lovely.

Tag i'm it

2005-08-27T00:12:00.000-07:00

Tag sounds like fun, although I do not know many other bloggers, but I will at least try to tag a few that have responded in the past.

"List five songs that you are currently digging - it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions and the five songs (with artist) in your blog. Then tag five people to see what they're listening to."

So many to chose from! I guess I will have to go with what I am listening to this week, or maybe even today.

#1 is "Anabelle," by the Dukhs. They are a canadian group from Alberta (or is it Manitoba?) They perform a lot of very traditional songs from quebec and canada, a sorta Celtish style to their music. I just love this particular song about mourning.

#2 would be "Promeny," (which means Transformations) by Czechomor, a recent discovery for me since going to Czech Republic. Can't be found in the US yet, but those lucky ones on the other side of the Atlantic may be able to find them. They are fantastic and are trying to come to the US soon. They also have a Celtish type of music and this piece features their female singer. She is awesome.

#3 I'd have to revert to an old favorite: "I'm feeling Good," by Nina Simone. It is about a slave being freed and is just beautiful. In a spin class a while ago the instructor used it for the hardest workout of the day. It made the strenous "climb" very easy as I truly get lost in that song, it is fantastic.

#4 I choose "It's my Culture" by Crown City Rocker. This is an amazing Hip-Hop group that graces my little town with their presence periodically. Their CD is a must, and I've listened to it a lot this week.

#5 Last but not least "The great gig in the Sky" from Pink Floyd's Dark side of the Moon. I have always enjoyed that one and recently rebought the album as I was missing it. I would just love to be able to belt out one like that; unfortunately, a singer I am not.

mr_mystic
daisy mae
zen
flash

Long day

2005-08-24T22:11:00.000-07:00

Today was long and difficult. Starting with a problem with a client that took most of the day to resolve, with only mixed success, and we will revisit tomorrow. I also was told by my supervisor that he can always tell when I am frustrated! Not a good thing in my line of work, although there is something to say about being bluntly honest I guess. To top it off, I had a meeting with a local organization that went on for two hours, because everyone talks on top of each other. I was getting very frustrated as we could have been done in a lot less time. The group, with the exception of one woman, are all little old biddy that want everything done their own way and cannot listen to one another. And I am supposed to lead this group. Argh! However, despite it all we did get something accomplished, so I should not feel to bad.

I did get a breath of fresh air with an e-mail from the Pro, a new friend from Czech Republic. It was good to hear from him and to know he is doing well and maybe coming to visit. That would be fun.

I have been looking at the new picture I put up in my profile space, and although I love this picture, the size does not do it justice. The moon is invisible and I may have to get a new one that looks better in the small format.