Blue Saga

I have not been posting at all lately. I continue to miss my vacation and wished I was still in the alps, listening to great music and enjoying the surrounding beauty! I filled the time with work, going to concerts, and catching up on the third season of "Six feet under." I also spent a lot of time working on getting a package together for a new friend in the Czech Republic that consisted of many CD's, some submitted by my good friend and co-worker the Spin Doctor. That is the one thing that there is at work that keeps me coming back, some good folks. Not all of them, we have several "Bushies" that just turn my stomach when they talk about how "great he is" and other nonsensical bull. At least we have a good group that can vent on the issues du jour. Such as Bolton making it in the United Nations (what a farce), and Bush stating that he really want to support school districts who will include "intelligent design" in their curriculum. Bleeech!

I continue to feel very estranged in this country. I feel that I have reached a turning point. Could this be that I am turning fifty this year and have spent my life in two halves: one canadian half until I was twenty-five; and the other the american half, until now? I feel the familiar nomadic itch telling me it is time to move. Do I want to spend the rest of my life as it is today? I have to face the fact that I realistically only have about another 20 years to live if that much. Both my folks died at very early ages (in their 50's) and the chances that I make it way past 70 is remote to say the least. Do I want a chance to experience everything that I possibly can, or do I want to stay put and routinely wait for death to take me? I feel like a terrified horse who just want to run as fast as I can in search of the exciting, the new, the undiscovered.

Yet I have spent the last 10 years studying and establishing a career that is still new, albeit not exactly what I had hoped for. But I am seduced by the road not taken, by the circumvented possibilities, by the unknown, and I want to go explore this huge world we at best can expect to taste only a puny slice in our lifetime.

I forget who sings: Should I stay or should I go? Forget "to be or not to be," what you do with the "to be" is the question.