I don't know

Sorry lots of ranting tonight.

I don't know if I'm coming or going these days. The new job, although less hours, I'm not sure if it is going to be as fulfilling as I hoped. I sorta feel numb to it rather than exited and that worries me. The one thing that is still great is teaching. I do enjoy it and look forward to it. The students are fun and we have some great group discussions. They have shared so much of their lives with me and the class, they are great.

I don't know why I feel numb about the new job. I know I miss the folks that were in my life for the last 6 years, and I guess, in some way I miss the leadership role I had. I'm not sure about that. I don't miss getting calls all day long. Or getting calls on week-ends and after hours. I don't miss having the pager, although I did luck out and did not have to take it since July. I do miss my friend, goldilock's mom. But we still see each other outside of work as we did before too. I think I also fear that because I will be surrounded by all these elderly folks (the median age of the workers at my new job is 54, and most client are 80 or above) rather than the younger workforce I am used too will make me age faster. I do enjoy folks telling me I look younger than my age (don't we all, to a point). The hubby makes the money issue seem like a disaster. We did have a huge blowout tonight about cash and all of our responsibilities now that we own a home, and all that shit. Turns out he resent me for changing my job and trying to work less, yet while he was working on the house all summer and fall, he would be frustrated because I could not do much of the work with him (that's what a 45-50 hours a week job, plus a teaching job three hours a week {+ prep time} does) Damned if you do, damned if you don't. AAAUUUGgghhh! I don't know how things will turn out. I still work at my old job two days a week and help with the transitions. So in the end, I still work a ton, I get paid a little less, and I still have little free time. I think after the holidays, when I get down to two jobs it will be easier. And then I can start to see some private clients. Right now I don't know where I would fit them in.

On the plus side, I did go work out today, and that felt good. I need to keep at that since it does make me feel good.

I tried to upload some "pretty pictures" but blogger is not cooperating.